It's a known fact: we all have grandparents or did have them at one time.  And sometimes, if those grandparents live long enough, they may suffer from a form of dementia.  Forgetting a name, making a peanut butter and tomato sandwich, talking to people not there (including dead people). 

About 6 or 7 years ago I met, through work, a very handsome and established guy. We’ll call him Tarzan. Tarzan was SO nice and SO handsome but, our schedules never matched up. Finally, one weekend - as I was flying back from a weekend in Nantucket - he called and asked if I wanted to get together that night to watch Sex and the City, a man after my own heart. I said sure and invited him over knowing that the only TV in my apartment with cable was in the bedroom. Whoops.
 

I read something in the newspaper the other day that was probably the most depressing thing I’ve ever read. It probably says a lot about me that it had nothing to do with poverty or war, or even the slow death of our planet, but was in fact about the male libido – more specifically, that men experience their sexual peak at twenty-two years old. 

When you're graced by the presence (or rather, virtual presence) of one who actually thinks your a good writer and funny, it is almost guaranteed that you will run out of inspiration of what to write. 

Just show them the lobsters…then back the f*ck away.

The Deli lady.

Three hundred pounds of two-tooth, white trash, cheese-dispensing terror.

Freaks. Me. Out. 

If it weren't for jewelry store commercials I might not feel so strongly about this.  Diamond advertisements are so terrible.  What is it about expensive rocks that make them represent love and commitment?  I think it's disgusting.