The beginning of Chapter 3 in Suzy Soro's unreleased book.

Chapter 3

SPEEDO and GEORGE

I have done a good deed.  I saved some poor slob from gaining weight during the holidays.

I'm a miracle worker, I tell you.  I have discovered the secret to not gaining weight.
   
A report from the Texas Medical Association states that "most studies show the average American gains 8 pounds during the period from Thanksgiving to New Year's Day."
   
That's a lot of weight.  Eight pounds can make the difference between belt holes.

The most hectic time in our lives is the short month between Thanksgiving and Christmas.  And it's generally more hectic for the women in our families.  You run from here to there and then back again because you're looking for that little Doohickey that Timmy said he absolutely needed or he'd die.

Then, because that Doohickey is on sale for $3 less at a store across town, and it's the principle of the matter at that point, you fight traffic for a half hour, drive around for another half hour to find a parking place, search for another half hour for that exact Doohickey because if you get the off-brand that looks the same and works the same and feels the same but isn't the same, you'll hear about it on Christmas morning in the form of a temper tantrum with lots of screaming and flailing and crying.  Then, after the pimply teenage clerk finds the only one in the store, it's been opened and damaged and he gives it to you with a shrug saying it's his break time.