I got my first cell phone for Christmas in 1993. It was approximately the size of my car and it came in a big, black zippered case. It had a cord.

Much like Zack Morris on "Saved by the Bell", I toted my phone with me everywhere and thought I was so awesome.

Seriously. That's how lame I am.

So my husband gets home from work and sniggers as he shows me a catalogue they gave him at work. He's meant to select a gift from it, which will be presented to him at an awards ceremony for five years of service at his company.

"Oh wow," I say, snatching the catalogue out of his hands. "They're giving you a free gift! Is it like something great, like a holiday in the Bahamas?"

"Not quite," he says. 

and I'm not afraid to use it!!

Dozens of people died when every single electronic device in the local hospital abruptly quit working Friday afternoon. Police say that, just before the event, witnesses spotted a visitor talking on a cell phone ...

A 747 jumbo jet crashed shortly after takeoff Monday, killing all but one of the 300 passengers. The lone survivor was found chatting on the cell phone with her old college roommate Barb ...

For all intents and purposes, the following is a suicide note.

Okay, I’m not really killing myself (you can stop emailing me the suicide prevention hotline number).  Well, not my physical self at least.   I am however killing off a virtual version of myself, so while it does deal with the ceasing of life it’s in the virtual and not literal sense.  I guess you could call it a WoWicide.

I've often thought it odd how certain foods become normal in our society while others are vanquished to scarcity.  How one culture can revere a food that another holds in righteous contempt.  Some foods are acquired tastes while others are seemingly innate in our diets.  Take for instance, brains and eggs.

I once lived on a nice little tree lined street and I would walk in the mornings to the train station to go to work. One morning in particular, I noticed a squirrel behind me. He was probably a few yards behind me but still, he was there, just lurking – oh yes, squirrels are lurkers. They stake you out before they pounce on you and attack.

Dear Guapo:

First off, let me congratulate you on your achievement as "Head Janitor" of my building (although you are the ONLY janitor for my building, this really must be an ego boost).

However, I have a few complaints to lodge.

I will be writing this in English, and not your native language of Assbackastan, so I hope you don't mind.

I woke up this morning with that feeling.  No, not the spinning, dizzy in the head hangover feeling, the other feeling, the one that means I’m getting sick.  It starts with that sensation that someone has been scraping the spot where your nasal passages meet your throat, and is generally followed by a sore throat and all your energy retreating to some hidden corner of your body, leaving your limbs all wobbly like Bambi's before he figured out that a skunk is not a flower…or was it after he found out?