Warning: You are not seeing this page (or the rest of the web) correctly. It is recommended that you upgrade to standards-compliant Firefox.
spacer.png, 0 kB

spacer.png, 0 kB

Scrivel.com, Better gas mileage than a Ford minivan.

- F. Lawrence Caslin
Ross Cavins

Ross Cavins Ross Cavins is 36, twice divorced and lives with his cat in the sunny South. He writes because his cat is whiny and can't hold a decent conversation. His current goal in life is to become a household name like Oreos, Liquid Drano and Tampax. He strives to be as famous a writer as Stephen Kingsley, his neighbor down the street that edits the Obituaries column on Sundays. You know who he's talking about.

He likes long walks in the woods (preferably with mosquito repellent and a crooked walking cane made from a broken branch), adores oatmeal creme pies, is fascinated by cleavage, and is easily amused by kittens playing.

And more importantly, he is currently single, without an agent, a publisher or a significant other.

He has been published at or is being published at the following places: hackwriters.com , usadeepsouth.com , swillmagazine.com , hissquarterly.com , Blue Mountain Arts , deadmule.com .

His personal website is located here: rosscavins.com   Email:   me[@at]rosscavins.com

This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it



The Multi-Thousand Dollar Business PDF Print E-mail
Written by Ross Cavins   
Thursday, 08 May 2008

ImageImageYou never hear that phrase in today's media.  Not in movies or on television.  Not in commercials or in the news.  You never read it in the paper or in a novel.  But they exist, the multi-thousand dollar businesses.  In fact, we're surrounded by them.

They're upstaged by their older, better-looking brother, the multi-million dollar business.  They're so upstaged that they're never mentioned.  Like they're not worth enough to waste oxygen or ink or bytes on.

Read more...
 
Raise the Damn Seat! PDF Print E-mail
Written by Ross Cavins   
Thursday, 24 April 2008

ImageImageOne of my bosses is an eighty-five year old man.  He still gets around and comes to work every day although he forgets his mobile phone all the time and misplaces his keys with abandon.  Yet he can quote numbers and distant memories with the accuracy of the History Channel.  It's amazing.

But he pisses on the toilet seat like a drooling toddler. 

Read more...
 
Stupid People At All-Time High PDF Print E-mail
Written by Ross Cavins   
Thursday, 17 April 2008

ImageImageI have a t-shirt that I designed that can gauge the stupidity of everyone around me.  It's accurate within a three percent margin.  And it never fails to point out the stupid people in the crowd.

I was walking with a friend the other day and wearing the shirt.  People were pointing at my shirt and laughing.  (I think they were laughing at the shirt and not me)  Then they would mutter what they thought it said, "I'm with Stupid." 

Read more...
 
The Nut Shot PDF Print E-mail
Written by Ross Cavins   
Tuesday, 08 April 2008

ImageImageI got hit in the nuts yesterday.  It was pretty painful.  Earlier I wrote about how that kind of thing is funny .  It's not.

It actually hurts pretty damn bad.

In fact, my boys still hurt at this moment. 

Read more...
 
Stinky Friend PDF Print E-mail
Written by Ross Cavins   
Wednesday, 02 April 2008

ImageImageI have a friend that smells.  He smells bad.  Real bad.  We all have had one of these friends at some time in our lives.  One of those friends that really stinks.  They're our Stinky Friend.

My Stinky Friend doesn't shower.  I don't know why.  Maybe he's afraid of water.  Maybe it's afraid of him. 

Read more...
 
Behold the Sweater Nipples PDF Print E-mail
Written by Ross Cavins   
Monday, 24 March 2008

ImageImageThe only thing more distracting to a man than cleavage is a good set of hard nipples.  It is a proven fact that if a woman aproaches a man, and her nipples are erect, he ... will ... look.

It is physically impossible to look a woman straight in the eyes when she has eraser nipples.  It can't be done.

Not even by a gay man. 

Read more...
 
spacer.png, 0 kB


Why Do Televangelists Look Like Televangelists?

Monday, 14 April 2008 | F. Lawrence Caslin

article thumbnailEver notice how certain groups of people tend to look the same?  Nerds develop the neat haircut and mismatched clothing.  Construction workers get tattoos and grow stubby beards. ...
>> Read More >>

I Love It When . . . Oooo, Look At That Bird!

Friday, 11 April 2008 | Mimzie Beaumont

article thumbnailMy Mother has claimed to have ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) for years now. She would tell me how she would start a project and before completion, her mind would wander and the project would lie...
>> Read More >>

The Stuttering Foreigner

Wednesday, 30 January 2008 | F. Lawrence Caslin

article thumbnailI talked with this guy on the phone today.  He stutters.  Real bad.  That's not the worst of it, though, English is his second language.  Imagine that. 
>> Read More >>

Other Articles

actually   animal   around   ass   bad   because   big   cell   children   day   dog   everyone   feet   finally   friend   girl   god   guy   hav   home   hour   husband   kid   life   long   love   maybe   money   myself   night   pee   phone   point   poo   probably   really   school   smell   someone   story   stupid   watch   wife   women   work   world  

ThoughtCloud Based on AkoCloud
Image
Humor
spacer.png, 0 kB
download joomla cms download joomla themes
Internet Explorer sucks bad, get Firefox and see the web the correct way.