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Chuck and Cletus 2.com
News Satire and Funny Photos.
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What We're Doing Right Now ...
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F. Lawrence Caslin F. Lawrence Caslin graduated with honors from the George S. Leonard Elementary School with four commendations for perfect attendance and went on to complete three years of high school before answering his calling.
"I'm a professional owner," Caslin explains. "From my first business collecting money for free parking downtown, I've always known I was destined to make money without actually doing anything for it." And that's just what he's done. "I owned a lawn watering service in Seattle once." Caslin rolls his eyes. "Like taking pacifiers from babies." And that led to other ventures like his 900# psychic line where he handed out surprisingly accurate NBA fantasy league predictions.
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But as wildly popular as it was, it folded less than a year after opening. "We didn't sell a single online membership, not a single one. I still don't understand, a lifetime membership was only five bucks. That's for their whole life! Didn't even sell a lousy t-shirt. I was very disappointed."
All that has led him to his current project, scrivel.com. "Scribbled drivel, get it?" Caslin asks. "I thought of it myself. I was telling some guy his writing was a bunch of scribbled drivel and I said it too fast, thus ... scrivel. It's ingenious, don't you think?"
Casline sees big things for the site. "Are you kidding me?" he explains. "I get these schmucks to log in here and write with some bogus promise of fame and a book deal and they write all this crap that people click on to read. I just kick back and rake in the dough. It's a sweet gig. Every time somebody clicks on one of them ads, I laugh all the way to my paypal account." Email: caslin@scrivel.com
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Written by F. Lawrence Caslin
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Tuesday, 13 January 2009 |
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  I have done a good deed. I saved some poor slob from gaining weight during the holidays.
I'm a miracle worker, I tell you. I have discovered the secret to not gaining weight.
A report from the Texas Medical Association states that "most studies show the average American gains 8 pounds during the period from Thanksgiving to New Year's Day."
That's a lot of weight. Eight pounds can make the difference between belt holes.
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Written by F. Lawrence Caslin
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Wednesday, 17 December 2008 |
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 I've found him, the gayest superhero in the history of the world. I was flipping through a Reader's Digest while at the doctor's the other day and smack dab in the middle was an ad for Nonyx Nail Gel .
You put this stuff on your toenails to clear up "keratin debris," whatever the hell that is.
I call it toe fungus. |
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Written by F. Lawrence Caslin
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Wednesday, 10 December 2008 |
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 (excerpted from a fake live radio broadcast)
F. Lawrence Caslin: We're here again with unknown author, Ross Cavins, to talk about his new book release, "Follow The Money."
Ross Cavins: Why you gotta introduce me like that?
Caslin: Like what?
Ross Cavins: Unknown. That's not very--
Caslin: Nobody knows who you are. That's what unknown means. (snickers at engineer)
Ross Cavins: Bull. I have hundreds of Facebook friends. I'm not exactly unknown.
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Written by F. Lawrence Caslin
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Friday, 28 November 2008 |
(excerpted from a fake live radio broadcast)
F. Lawrence Caslin: We're here again with Ross Cavins, author of the upcoming book, Follow The Money, a collection of eleven stories all interconnected by similar themes. It's supposed to be funny.
Ross Cavins: Um, well ... since we last talked, my editor cut one of the stories. She thought it didn't work.
Caslin: Cut a story? From eleven? You mean there's ten now? Just ten stories?
Ross Cavins: Yeah. But the book's like 250 pages.
Caslin: Wait. First you were going to write fifteen stories, then you got lazy and only wrote eleven, and now the reader will only get ten of them? |
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