Ten things I’ll probably never know:

·       If when purchasing a Lexus you really do get a little card to place in your wallet which entitles you to drive in the furthest left hand lane on the interstate while going 8 miles below the posted speed limit.

·       What I will say at my Academy award acceptance speech.

In this edition of Ask Chick, she responds without being asked.  And as you may induce from the title, These letters are all pertaining to her kids' elementary school.

And more specifically, the DROP-OFF LANE.  

If you have kids that go to her school, and you think you may be a moronic imbecile, beware. 

You may be insulted if you read on.  But then again, you may be so stupid you don't realize it.  So read on anyway ...

- F. Lawrence Caslin

So you know what happens when you sell your book that you put your heart and soul into and then announce said sale on your blog?

You start getting really weird emails.

Okay, to be fair, I get weird emails a lot. At last count I get about seven hundred emails a day and for some reason when you have a blog and say things like “douchenozzle” a lot, well, people just think you are fair game. But lately, the emails have taken on a whole new tone.

So I have to take him to the doctor.

And the Boy Child? He's never sick. So he doesn't know how to act at the doctor.

We are in the examining room and the nurse, who has spiky pink hair, takes his temperature and his blood pressure. He's very concerned about what his blood pressure is. He's very concerned with his surrounding and I can see him reading all the posters on the wall.

Finally the doctor comes in. We talk about Boy Child's symptoms. He feels his stomach. He listens to his heart. The works.

Boy Child is very quiet throughout this ordeal until finally, as the doctor is having him breathe in and out, he asks, "What was my blood pressure?"