There are so, so many things I enjoy about being a mother, especially now that my children are getting older. Long gone are the sleepless nights. My kids can feed themselves, walk by themselves, and are even learning to cook. Being a mother of twins, I didn't exactly look forward to them being older, but I do take it as a welcome respite from the land of bulky upper arm muscles (have YOU ever tried to carry two infants at once?) and formula stained shoulders and smelling vaguely like puke and formula and despair.

In fact, the thing that really sucks about being a parent now?

The other parents.

I am a happily married woman.

No, really.

I am thankful for having such a lovely husband, for many reasons. He’s really nice, he’s funny, and he has really pretty teeth that he brushes often. He dresses really nicely and he smells good and, okay, honestly? He gives me a lot of blog fodder. But most of all, I’m glad I am married to him because that means I don’t have to date anymore.

Because dating? Both sucks and blows.

Living in the South, I have grown accustomed to the quirky way that many people speak. 

For example, I have a good friend who tells me that people are “crookeder than a dog’s hind leg”. Once, when someone was trying to give me directions they included detailed renditions of everything that had happened on every street mentioned, ever (once Beulah Ramsey threw a frying pan at her husband down on Coppage road, but they never did call the police! For reals!), but absolutely no street names. 

I got my first cell phone for Christmas in 1993. It was approximately the size of my car and it came in a big, black zippered case. It had a cord.

Much like Zack Morris on "Saved by the Bell", I toted my phone with me everywhere and thought I was so awesome.

Seriously. That's how lame I am.