Recently, I walked into the bathroom to witness my son in the tub, peeing into a cup -- and giggling -- and I didn't know whether to be disgusted or proud.

So I was both.

Peeing in unusual spots is one of the primary benefits of being male, and one that countless males enjoy on a daily basis -- it's why we like camping so much. Yet the ability takes an unfortunately disgusting development path through boyhood. Upon discovering this ability, young boys take full advantage, peeing pretty much anywhere they see fit so long as it doesn't get them arrested. And even then that doesn't always matter.

We recently consumed a watermelon. At least I think it was watermelon: it was green on the outside, pink in the middle, was filled with many black seeds and when I was finished I was surrounded by a moat of watermelon juice. Yet it was also small and round and I had to keep telling myself to eat it and not try shooting it through the nearest hoop.

In the old days, watermelons came in one form: huge. You needed a forklift to remove it from the produce aisle and it always made your cart tip over like Fred Flintstone's car. As the lone male in my house I was always given the responsibility of carrying the melon, which left me with many a watermelon-induced hernia.

I've had a lot of jobs in my life, many of them ugly. I cleaned air conditioners over a summer, which turned my snot gray. I worked an amazing five years at McDonald's -- five years! -- where I learned that the gun used to place a gob of tartar sauce on a bun had better distance when turned toward a co-worker than did the Big Mac sauce gun.

I've also sold newspapers, worked at a gym filled with half-naked seminarians and delivered flyers door-to-door. I even worked as a -- gulp! -- telemarketer.

None of these could have held a candle to the job I didn't take. And the story proves that decisions made when you're young and half-asleep and desperate to stay in bed can, in fact, be good decisions.

Various scents, including perfume, have been popular throughout history for a simple reason: the world stunk. So they lit incense and used oils to hide the stinky world. And the stinky population, at least the stinky population that had money, used perfume to hide their smell.

Sounds like me in high school.