Dear Assface,

You don't know me, but I know you.

You see...I'm the poor bastard who had the privilege of driving behind your car today...

...on my motorcycle...

...on the highway.

I was over at one of my buddy's blogs the other day.

I tend to do this a lot, because work sucks and they don't let me download porn.

Anyway, he was writing about "Laws of the Bathroom ."

He neglected one very important bathroom law...

...of which I'll expand here using one of my very own recent experiences.

We should sell electric razors to polar bears.

That's the conclusion I've come to after environmentally friendlinizing ... environmentalizing ... environinzing ... friendlyerating ...

...after buying some new lightbulbs for my house.

Friggin' hippies don't make the explanations easy.

Anyway...after suffering through the movie "Arctic Tale" I realized the following:

There's a reason why I'm not a business owner.

I fear that people in the town would run me out.

Let me explain.

The other day, the wife and I were driving home from a crappy dinner at the local "Friday's" (Friday's motto: "You WILL be served by idiots." ), when we drove by a DayCare center.

"SmartyPants Academy"