I hate driving.

In fact, if I didn't hate environmentalists SO much to want to piss them off, I'd probably leave my 1972 Cadillac at home and ride a bike.

But, since nothing pleases me more than to piss off a hippy, I actually make it a point of driving that gas-guzzling piece of sh*t more than I have to.

But I digress...

The other day, I was driving to work (yes, male prostitutes DRIVE to their "Janes"), and noticed that the car in front of me had a vanity plate.

The ultimate vanity plate

I H8 Vanity Pl8s.

This one said:

"5CATS"

5 Cats.

How truly, truly sad.

I didn't realize that the freaky old lady in the neighborhood actually had a car. I thought she just stayed in, got "Meals on Wheels" and watched Judge Judy.

I began thinking of alternate plates this person could have gotten instead of "5CATS", like:

"SINGLE"

"ALONE" 

"CREEPY"

"SAD"

"NEEDHLP"

"MENTAL"

"FELINOPHILE" ("Aroused by Cats" - I realize that there are two many characters in this one, but may be applicable if said user has two cars and can break it up (doubtful - see "ALONE" plate above) or lives in Sweden.

"ILKPUSSY"

This last one would be for the sad, alone, male felinophile who needs some serious, serious help.

I know you're out there, dude.

Maybe I can hook you up with the freaky lady in my neighborhood.

You can share a Meal on Wheels and watch Judge Judy together.

Let me know if you need me to pick you up.

I'm looking for another excuse to take the Caddy out for a drive.

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