Self-appointed website owner and AHD (Acting Head Dumbass), F. Lawrence Caslin rejoices in the fact that he can do no wrong. He's not pompous, he's just full of himself.
My Private Urinal
Written by F. Lawrence Caslin
Tuesday, 18 March 2008
I'm a guy. And sometimes, when I pee, I pee standing up. Men do that. We do it because we can. Because we were blessed with a penis and women weren't.
Some women think they can pee standing up but they can't (ask Mimzie ). They cop a funky squat, aim as best as they can, and dribble it down their legs.
The biggest difference between men and women is that we can use a urinal. And they can't. Not even when they're drunk and there's a mile-long line at the women's restroom. They think they can but when they squish back out the door, they realize they really can't.
Urinals are one of man's greatest inventions. It's the porcelain equivalent of a tree.
Sidle up to it. Whip the snake out. Relax. Talk about the game last night with the guy next to you.
The coolest Urinal ever.
I've done scientific measurements and a urinal saves between 10 and 20 seconds per restroom visit. That adds up over time. That's why I've put one in my house. Because each time I go, it'll be like I'm getting free time. Think of how much more internet porn I'll see during my life over the next guy?
But most of all, my private urinal will combat man's greatest enemy. Full-Bladder-Morning-Wood syndrome. FBMW for short.
Men know what I'm talking about. You wake up with a penis you could hang a bird feeder from and a bladder the size of France (why France? ahh, piss on 'em). You have to go so bad it hurts but you can't aim the big guy down at the toilet. He won't bend.
And you can't wait for the swelling to go down because by now, your eyes are floating and you're beginning to hop around like a two-year old. And thinking of rocks, sticks and bricks won't bring him back to malleability. It's not that kind of wood. This is FBMW we're talking about. It's not based on horniness.
This is a Catch-22 you have here. Joseph Heller would be so proud.
So what do you do? How do you solve this almost-daily problem for men?
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F. Lawrence Caslin
I'm a guy. And sometimes, when I pee, I pee standing up. Men do that. We do it because we can. Because we were blessed with a penis and women weren't.
