Ross Cavins
| Behold the Sweater Nipples |
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| Written by Ross Cavins | |
| Monday, 24 March 2008 | |
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It is equally impossible to look a women in the eyes when her friend's nipples are hard. In fact, if a set of pert nipples are anywhere in the room ... we will sense them and be distracted.  Yeah, sure you're admiring the body paint. I'm serious. I heard music. I almost clapped. Then I did the impossible, I looked her in the eyes, using every ouce of my manly strength. Not once did I stray and sneak a peek at those pebbles of lust. How did I do it, you ask? I'm lying of course. I looked. Twice I got busted. Twice. She knew she had sweater nipples and she knew what they'd do to any male within 100 yards. You could have hung your laundry from the things, yet she still went out of the house with them leading the way. I almost asked her if she minded pulling her sweater up and showing me, just so we could make it quick and painless and I could help her with whatever she needed rather than be distracted the entire conversation. But then I'd be accused of being the typical sexist male, skipping the foreplay and all. Don't get me wrong, I love foreplay. But sweater nipples? Taunting men with those things is a purely criminal act. Women with nipples like that should wear padded bras and keep them babies warm. Unless admiration is the goal. In which case, I will feel free to comment about how chilly the weather is and whatnot. I wont' say anything derogatory nor offensive. I will simply say thank you for making my pants so snug.
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The only thing more distracting to a man than cleavage is a good set of hard nipples. It is a proven fact that if a woman aproaches a man, and her nipples are erect, he ... will ... look.
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