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Ross Cavins

Ross Cavins is 36, twice divorced and has a cat for a best friend. He enjoys tinkering, eating peanut butter and self-gratification. Not necessarily in that order. Ross Cavins' website

Behold the Sweater Nipples PDF Print E-mail
Written by Ross Cavins   
Tuesday, 25 March 2008

ImageImageThe only thing more distracting to a man than cleavage is a good set of hard nipples.  It is a proven fact that if a woman aproaches a man, and her nipples are erect, he ... will ... look.

It is physically impossible to look a woman straight in the eyes when she has eraser nipples.  It can't be done.

Not even by a gay man. 

It is equally impossible to look a women in the eyes when her friend's nipples are hard.  In fact, if a set of pert nipples are anywhere in the room ... we will sense them and be distracted.

We have nipple radar.  Like a seventh sense (the sixth sense is seeing dead people).

I was working the other day when a customer came in.  She was a nice-looking woman about my age (36), and she wasn't what you'd call stacked.  In fact, she couldn't form a set of cleavage if she owned the Wonder Bra patent.

Body-painted nipples.
Yeah, sure you're admiring the body paint.
She was actually sort of plain, wearing a plush solid sweater and pair of jeans.  But she was without a bra.  And buddy let me tell you, she had nipples.  They were out there singing harmony and waiting for applause.  

I'm serious.  I heard music.  I almost clapped.

Then I did the impossible, I looked her in the eyes, using every ouce of my manly strength.  Not once did I stray and sneak a peek at those pebbles of lust.  How did I do it, you ask?

I'm lying of course.  I looked.  Twice

I got busted.  Twice.

She knew she had sweater nipples and she knew what they'd do to any male within 100 yards.  You could have hung your laundry from the things, yet she still went out of the house with them leading the way.

I almost asked her if she minded pulling her sweater up and showing me, just so we could make it quick and painless and I could help her with whatever she needed rather than be distracted the entire conversation.  But then I'd be accused of being the typical sexist male, skipping the foreplay and all.  Don't get me wrong, I love foreplay.

But sweater nipples?  Taunting men with those things is a purely criminal act.

Women with nipples like that should wear padded bras and keep them babies warm.  Unless admiration is the goal.  In which case, I will feel free to comment about how chilly the weather is and whatnot.  I wont' say anything derogatory nor offensive. 

I will simply say thank you for making my pants so snug.

 




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Marvin - Thanks for the "mamaries" IP:24.xxx.xxx.xxx | 2008-03-25 09:17:48
It was Bob Hope that adopted the theme song thanks for the "Memories" but as every man knows it's memories of "mammaries" are the stuff of wet dreams.

Those old enough to remember might still recall the sensation created among teenage males when the infamous Farah Fawcett poster made her semi-hardened nipples the subject of much attention.

Ah yes it is true that few things in life stand out quite so clearly as the effect of nipples that stand out.

Nice post that will hopefully get just as well noticed.
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Bex IP:67.xxx.xxx.xxx | 2008-03-29 16:39:55
I am a married women with three kids. And even I am distracted by erect nipples on women. Me getting busted (haha, get it??) is embarrassing. At least you're a straight guy taking a peek. It's entirely a different matter when a soccer mom takes a gander....
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