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  I'm not that picky.
No, I'm not talking about my penchant for cheap, ugly whores. I'm talking about my coffee. I was listening to the radio the other day, when a coffee commercial came on. One of the jackasses getting paid more money than I do to talk about a F*CKING BEVERAGE said: "..it means I like 100% Arabica bean coffee."
Ah. You like ARABICA BEAN coffee. Thanks for clarifying. Two questions immediately popped into my head: 1) How do I get a job making money while I talk about liquid? 2) What the f*ck is an Arabica bean? I assume that an Arabica bean is like a Mexican jumping bean... ...except it comes from the middle east, rides a camel instead of a Pinto, and is more inclined to be racially-profiled as a terrorist rather than a lazy prick with 14 kids who can't speak English and is stealing American jobs.  At least, that's what I'm assuming it is.
Honestly, I don't really care. I couldn't care less about my coffee. Find some guy named "Coffee," grind him up, pour some hot water over him, and I'd still drink it. Coffee. I don't care what it tastes like, what country it emigrated from, or how many e-coli infested non-hand-washing immigrants picked the beans themselves. My coffee simply has to adhere to the following strict criteria: 1) Be hot 2) Be called "coffee" 3) Have caffeine Drinking decaffeinated coffee, to me, makes as much sense as drinking non-alcoholic beer (or spending money to WATCH people have sex...not that I've actually done that). 4) Contain the miracle property of being able to induce my morning poop. Other than that, I don't care if my coffee tastes like Richard Simmon's ass after a "Sweating to the Oldies" marathon. In fact, it can even steal my job... ...because I've got an interview for a voice-over tomorrow touting a drinkable laxative. Wish me luck. If it works out, this whole coffee discussion may be moot...at least in regards to item #4. |
Moooooog35
