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Chuck and Cletus 2.com
News Satire and Funny Photos.
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What We're Doing Right Now ...
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Written by F. Lawrence Caslin
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Monday, 07 April 2008 |
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  A couple weeks ago, the illustrious Hannah Montana made an appearance at our fair Coliseum. Every teenage girl within spitting distance attended. But it wasn't Hannah who grabbed the headlines, it was the Coliseum management.
From the way the write-up in the paper read, Coliseum officials broke every moral law known to man. They offended good god-fearing people by pulling a stunt only worthy of the most unscrupulous of humans.
They served beer.
Not only did they serve beer, they also served wine. Mind you, they didn't serve to minors, the alcohol was only sold to people over twenty-one. But still, in the heart of the American Bible Belt, they served alcohol at a family event.
How dare they? Cretins.
 Hannah Montana, every pervert's favorite lolita.
You gotta love it. It's the American way. You have the freedom to choose. Drink or don't drink. It's the way the founding fathers meant it to be. I'm sure ole Billy Ray Cyrus (Miley's dad) was backstage belting a few before the performance.
I have a question for all you normal people out there. When did we let the Puritan pricks in this nation decide that alcohol was a bad thing? At what point did we turn the corner from the constitution signing to get to the Prohibition of the twenties? When did we begin letting the religious zealots steer the moral compass for the majority?
I'm sorry, and correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't Jesus turn water into wine? Or something like that? Don't Christians still use wine to symbolize his blood? What effed-up moron decided that alcohol was suddenly bad? Isn't that some kind of blasphemy that can get you stoned?
Now we come to the end of my rant, sorry it wasn't really that funny. Picture me in boxer shorts, my gut hanging over my pecker, a beer in each hand, singing to Hannah Schmontana. Enough laughs there?
I'll leave you with one last thought. If I were an adult that had to take my little girl and her friends to that concert, and found myself surrounded by thousands of other screaming little girls ... you better damn well be serving me alcohol! Or I'll be the one writing to the paper. |
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F. Lawrence Caslin
