Emma K
| A Dog in the Hand is Worth Two in the Bush |
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| Written by Emma K | ||||||
| Tuesday, 01 April 2008 | ||||||
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Their sex life has been as limp as a fortnight old celery stick for about five years now, ever since they started trying for a second child. For a while there Darren was on Viagra but he used to take it with a bottle of wine and usually fell asleep in a drunken stupor - sporting wood. In the end he was just wasting Viagra because he was always too comatose to perform.  So, you doing anything Saturday night? Somehow the story wasn't adding up. I kept adding up two and two and getting six. "Tell me, is it pitch black in your bedroom?" "Yeah, it's pretty dark, why?" "Well, since Darren doesn't usually ravage you in the middle of the night, I was just wondering if maybe the tongue belonged to someone else?" "Like who?" "Well, was Spot lying beside you, drooling, farting and snoring as usual?" "I don't know. Come to think of it, I don't think he was. Why?" "Well, let me put it this way, was Darren's tongue a little rougher than usual?"
           
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My friend Daisy sleeps with her husband Darren and a rather smelly Beagle called Spot. And since her husband either can't or won't get it up, I have long told her that she might get more sex if she kicked Spot out of bed. But after what happened last night, I'm beginning to wonder whether maybe that advice was all wrong. | Next > |
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