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  I smell like a goddamn fruit basket.
Let me explain. I was taking a shower the other night, as I'm sometimes wont to do, when I realized that it was my monthly duty to use some type of soap product. (Usually, I just wash my hair, and then let the soap clean me off via gravitational pull as it drains down my body towards the sperm-clogged drain (hey...first things first)) I looked down at the soap dish in the shower (after five minutes of trying to remember where it was), and saw a simple, sad, soap-Chiclet sitting there.
"This won't do," I thought. "There's barely enough there my sphincter." After stuffing the soap-chip up my anus, I began rummaging through the endless bottles of crap in the shower looking for some type of soap-substitute. Body wash. Shower gel. Lube. Sorry...the lube is for something else. I now had approximately six bottles of crap to choose from in which to suds myself up. Here's where sharing a bathroom with the wife rears an ugly reality: WOMEN LIKE TO SMELL LIKE FRUIT. I'm not sure why this is, but the bottles of sh*t I had to choose from included the following scents:  Guava Cherry Mango anyone? 2) Lavender (I actually think this is a flower..but, I'm not technically gay, so I'm not sure) 3) Green Apple 4) Icy Pineapple I have no idea what a f*cking icy pineapple is. I'm sure that where pineapples actually grow, there's no ice and, as such, the inventor of "Icy Pineapple" is just making this sh*t up. All I know is that, personally, I don't want to smell like any Icy-Pineapple-Apple-Lavender-Coconut jackass when I go play poker with the guys.
In fact, I'm not sure why anyone would want to smell like this... I mean, don't you attract BIRDS?!? Anyway... I made my decision that day, based on the fact that I didn't want to smell like potpourri... ...and decided to go with the Chiclet. No Icy Pineapple for this guy. No sir. Today, I smell like sphincter. |
Moooooog35
