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Mother Theresa
Mother Theresa is 29, and has been for the past ten years. She's married, has three kids, a whiny cat and is hoping to someday win the lottery so she can have a maid named Alice (or Maria, or Natasha for all she cares), which might be easier if she actually played the lottery. Mother Theresa's website
Intimately Photoshopped PDF Print E-mail
Written by Mother Theresa   
Monday, 14 April 2008

ImageImageWill the owner of Victoria Beckham’s butt please stand?

Not her real butt.  I’m talking about the one that appears in that perfume ad she and Becks have out.  It’s called Intimately Beckham.  Talk about intimate.  What could be more intimate than having someone else’s rear stuck on yours?  That’s a very interesting photographic ménage à trois they’ve got going on there:  Vicky, Becky, and Mystery Butt.  

the beckhams
Fake butt? You betcha.
Are we really supposed to believe that that behind belongs to Posh?  Come on, get real.  There are limits to what even the most gullible reader will believe, and there are some things that even plastic surgery can’t do.  She’s way too skinny to be sporting those splendid curves.  That rear could pass as Beyonce’s or maybe JLo’s, but Victoria Beckham’s?

No way in hell is that her butt.

She assures everyone that it is, in fact, her shapely ass in that picture, but if you had borrowed someone else’s butt for an ad, wouldn’t you lie too?  She’s no stranger to the Gods of Photoshop, and she must pray nightly for them to be kind to her.  I wonder what kind of offering she made to get such good results.

But the Gods can be fickle. 

I couldn’t help feeling slightly gleeful when I saw this picture of Posh in concert.  Just what is that thing hanging from her armpit?  She must have fallen asleep early and not had a chance to pray that day.  Or maybe somebody screwed up and stuck half of someone’s shaved scrotum in there.  Could they have mistaken the Vicky bits for the Becky bits?   All I can say is, sometimes there is justice in the world, because let’s face it; it is not fair that some scrawny, pouty bitch gets all the cash, a hunky hubby, and a great-looking butt.  Even if it is a fake butt. 

victoria beckham
What is that thing?
Beckham doesn’t escape the wrath of the gods either.  In the Intimately ad he looks very much like something that belongs on the cover of a cheap romance novel.  Does he suddenly fancy himself a Latin lover or something?  He must have forgotten to pray to the gods before that one.

Or maybe he was too busy with the person that kindly donated her ass to Victoria’s cause.

But, on the whole, he fairs pretty well.  Especially in that underwear ad he did a while back.  I would say that was a huge success.  That one must have been done by the same person who did Becks’ full frontal nude photo.  That Jack the Stripper has quite a way with men.  A little exaggerated maybe, but hey, who can argue with that.  He’s done such a good job that it’s hard to tell if it’s real or not.  Makes ya' want to give it a yank to see if it comes off like those fake noses, doesn't it? Then again, maybe it is real.  In any case, it looks like it belongs there, unlike that overly-full bottom that got stuck on Victoria.

david beckham
Does he have a license for this thing?
This brings me to the thought of who picks the parts to stick on these people.  For some reason Mr. Potato Head springs to mind.  Let’s see what he looks like with these ears, and now let’s try a new nose.  It must be fun to pick and choose parts and paste them on these incredibly rich, influential celebrities.  It must feel a little like playing God.

Hey, that gives me an idea.  I’m not bad at Photoshopping myself.  Anyone looking for a new Photoshop Goddess out there?  That’s one job I wouldn’t mind having.  Taking revenge on those loathsome celebrities who have done nothing whatsoever to deserve their fame, and that go around make us real women look bad…  Enhancing the attributes of others….Where do I sign up?

Now, let's see what happens if we stick this horse's willy on Becks...

 





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