Interview questions for potential new employees at my current place of employment:

Question 1: Are you a sadistic asshole?

Question 2: Has anyone ever said to you, “Your momma don’t love you and your daddy don’t care” and it’s actually true?

Question 3: Do you have extreme problems with people of the opposite sex?

Question 4: Have you ever been fired for having a serious attitude or anger problem and/or threatening anyone?

Question 5: Are there any skeletons in your closet?

Question 6: No, seriously. Real skeletons?

Question 7: Do you stay up nights thinking of ways to annoy, harass, and humiliate others?

Question 8: Do you have an inflated sense of self-importance?

Question 9: Do you have a penis?

Hey moron, that is NOT a TPS report.

Question 11: Are you willing to work in an environment that will cause you to question if your entire life is an elaborate psychological experiment which someone is taping and forgot to tell you about?

Question 12: Does it bother you when people curse at one another?

Question 13: Does it bother you when people curse at you?

Question 14: Do you have any objection to being talked about behind your back and/or in front of your face?

Question 15: Do the words, “Mother of Ass” mean anything to you?

Question 16: Has anyone seen my red stapler?

Question 17: Do you have any issues with six hour meetings on the topic of why we have no time to get anything done?

Question 18: Do you become extraordinarily and irrationally angry when extremely minor annoyances occur? For example, would you threaten to mow people down in your Hybrid if we ran out of coffee one morning?

Question 19: If you do not have a penis, do you know how to make coffee? Collate papers? Staple effectively? Make numerous copies? Fetch pens?

Question 20: Are you in any way related to Satan?

If you were able to answer yes to these questions, congratulations!

You sound like you will fit in very well with our...um...team.

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Big Jim IP:12.214.28.201 | 2008-04-12 22:45:26 THis was HILARIOUS! Reply 0   0

Daniel - Man of Leisure IP:138.88.121.110 | 2008-04-13 08:06:45 Question 17 is sublime Reply 0   0

Kimberly - Gah! IP:70.77.148.124 | 2008-04-13 14:42:38 That is so very, very disturbing. I think you and the guy who writes Dilbert should get together. You'd give him material for a kajillion more books. Reply 0   0

Tiger Lamb Girl IP:89.240.67.5 | 2008-04-13 15:57:51 1. What does "Mother of Ass" mean? Seriously. I don't know. 2. You totally had me at question number 2. Reply 0   0

Christie - Stapler IP:66.55.43.2 | 2008-04-14 07:12:32 "....and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire... " Reply 0   0

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