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Why Do Televangelists Look Like Televangelists? |
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Written by F. Lawrence Caslin
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Tuesday, 15 April 2008 |
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  Ever notice how certain groups of people tend to look the same? Nerds develop the neat haircut and mismatched clothing. Construction workers get tattoos and grow stubby beards. Accountants wear glasses and exfoliate profusely. And televangelists have helmet coifs and capped teeth.
What's the deal?
Is there a televangelist finishing school deep in the bowels of South Carolina? You go in with the gift of gab and graduate with the televangelist inflection, new dental work and a large can of hairspray? Women get the Crayola make-up set and Visine.
 At least Nerds branched out to unkempt hair and short sleeve dress shirts. Construction workers occasionally go inkless and with mustaches. Accountants sometimes wear turtlenecks and contacts. But televangelists?
The still all look the same.
They talk the same.
They have that same disturbingly happy twinkle in their eyes.
They all wear that ridiculous mannequin grin during their sermons, like they know the secret and you don't.
The secret to part schmucks from their money.
And what I don't get is that these wackos not only exist, they seem to flourish like mold on month-old pimento cheese. (That reminds me, I've got to clean my fridge.)
 Why do televangelists look like televangelists? There's no real answer to the question, it's rhetorical. They do because they do. The men don't have facial hair and they don't have bags under their eyes. The women wear gobs of make-up and cry excessively. They look and act the same.
I don't get it. In lieu of a scientific answer, I'll stick with the finishing school in South Carolina. Maybe northern Georgia. |
F. Lawrence Caslin
