There are very few people in the world who are able to do exactly what they want as far as careers are concerned. When I was little I wanted to be a model. Once I realized that I wasn’t pretty enough, I decided that I wanted to be a fashion designer. Then when I was a senior in high school I was in the school play and got a taste of acting. It was then that I decided that I wanted to be an actor. Of course, in-between all of these aspirations were OTHER aspirations, like: an oceanographer, a lawyer, an artist, a writer – really I could go on and on.

The point is, while I’m doing something now that I enjoy enough to continue, is it what I really would love to be doing? No. Definitely not. But the fact of the matter is I’m too lazy to look for anything else. My job is less than 5 miles from my house. I wear flip flops to work. I can come and go as I please – within reason. So you see, while I might not make big bucks or feel strongly about what I do, it’s still not the worst job in the world.

Last night I started thinking about all of the jobs out there that I would NOT do, no matter how badly I needed a job and yet, there is someone out there who WILL do it. For instance: road kill cleaner, sewer inspector, pig farmer, tar roofer, mortician or the guy that cleans the elephant cages at the zoo. These are all valid, paying jobs and yet I can’t imagine having to do any of them! As they say on every infomercial. . .But wait! There’s more!

Odor Tester
Chemists have to test their products, i.e., deodorants and antiperspirants, to make sure they work so they need odor testers. Yes, these people smell other people before, during and after they have sweated – profusely!

Dog Food Tester
Just like any other meals, dog food needs to be inspected too, so they have actual people taste test it. I guess there are worse things you can eat. Like the poor schmucks who have to eat all the crap that the contestants eat on “Fear Factor.” Oh yes, all of that stuff has to be tested on someone first.

Translator Of Technical Manuals

What do you do when you want to translate a technical manual or users guide from Japanese to English? I used to know a guy once whose job was this: his company would send him a product, like a bike or a bookcase, and he had to put it together and, as he put it together, he had to write out step-by-step instructions that would later be made into the manual for said product. Shit, I can’t even put those things together WITH the manual!

So what jobs would I not take no matter how desperately I needed one or how well it paid? Easy! I would NOT work in a nail salon because eventually they would want me to give pedicures and I do NOT do feet. Don’t like to look at them, don’t like to touch them, don’t like to talk about them, don’t like to smell them. In fact, I’m finished with this particular subject now. Another one would be, the janitor at a XXX movie theater. Can you imagine?! Think about it. It’ll hit you in a minute.

Whatever you do for a living, do it with pride. There is always someone who has it worse than you do. And if you can’t take pride in your work, then just leave the firearms at home. No one likes a disgruntled employee in the middle of the week.

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