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  In light of the massive success of ‘Iron Man’, I think it’s time to deconstruct a TRULY ground-breaking superhero movie.
I’m talking about a movie so ahead of its time, so forward-thinking, that critics and audiences alike just didn’t ‘get it’. I’m speaking, of course, about ‘The Phantom’.
‘The Phantom ’ -- starring Billy ‘Bald, But Still Hotter Than You’ Zane, Kristy ‘Buffy the Movie Vampire Slayer’ Swanson, Treat ‘I Used to BE Somebody’ Williams, and Catherine ‘Before I Married Ancient’ Zeta Jones -- had the misfortune to come out in 1996, well after Tim Burton had revived the superhero movie, but also after Joel Schumacher had killed it again.
First off, let me say that I think Billy Zane is a total hottie. I like him bald, I like him with a wig on, I like him best naked, but I’ll take a skin-tight suit. There will be no dissin’ of the Zane on THIS blog, thankyouverymuch.
The Phantom is a noble, happy hero, living in the jungle with his loyal Wolf, Devil, and his loyal horse, Hero. (I don’t make these names up, folks, I am merely reporting.) The movie’s tagline was “Slam Evil!” but I’m here to tell you that the slamming was more groin-related than anything else. Ah, but whose groins?
Well, the Phantom’s suit is purple. And that, people, should have been seen, not as an homage to the original, but as a CLUE.
What everyone saw was that the Phantom hangs out in a jungle that’s amazingly green, as so many jungles tend to be. Purple, amazingly enough, doesn’t really ‘blend’, especially the bright almost fuchsia the costumers used for the Phantom’s skintight number. True, in the original comic, the Phantom’s costume was indeed purple. But when you’re doing a pen and ink drawing, you can make dark purple seem to blend in with dapples of shade and such. In a live action movie, fading into the shadows in an all-purple ensemble just doesn’t work.
But what everyone missed is that the Phantom wasn’t trying to ‘blend’ or hide. He wasn’t going for subtle. He was going for ‘out’.
This was the gayest movie I’ve seen that wasn’t billed as such, and not just because the Phantom seems remarkably happy to live in his luxury cave condo with only his young, attractive houseboy for company. A houseboy who cares for him in, seemingly, all ways, including by tending to his wounds. (Billy was amazingly buffed out for this role and it shows, in the suit and also when he’s stripped to the waist, which did NOT happen often enough in this flick.)
But it’s not the male homoeroticism that sets this movie apart. It’s the clear lesbian love story subplot that really sends it over the edge into perhaps the most overtly pro-GLBT movie ever.
Kristy’s character, Diana, is supposedly in love with both the Phantom and his alter ego, Kit Walker (and, yeah, his name is Kit…maybe that was a man’s name in the 1930’s, but now, all I think of is Kit-Kat or Kitty, and, well…you know where I’m going with this train of thought). Catherine’s character, Salla, is supposedly in sorta-love with Treat Williams’ baddie, Xander Drax (what a name!) and sorta in love with the Phantom.
However, you can’t prove it. Not by me, the script, or the actor’s take on their characters.
 Three switch-hitters? Maybe.
How do I KNOW that the two gals aren’t really all that into the men? At the end of the movie, our handsome hero is discussing how the only person who can know who he is would be the woman he marries. Diana shares that, yeah and duh, knew you were the Phantom all along Kit. Kit and Diana have a kiss. Then, against all logic, Diana leaves to fly home with Salla, who looks extremely smug about it. Can’t blame her. Diana chose which kitty cat she wanted, and it wasn’t the one with the houseboy.
In addition to all the homoeroticism on both sides of the fence, you have Treat Williams chewing scenery like his and everyone else’s lives depended upon it. He DOES have some of the best lines in movie history, among them, “This is a great day and we all have a share in it. Oh, not an EQUAL share, to be sure, but a share, nonetheless.” How can you not love a bad guy like that? He’s also clearly straight, and the ONLY clearly straight character in the entire movie (other than, possibly, the wolf and the horse), so you have to support him, just ‘cause he’s so alone.
In truth, I love this movie. I own it, and watch it all the time. In fact, instead of shelling out $20 to see ‘Iron Man’ today, I think, instead, I’ll pop in a TRUE groundbreaking classic, curl up with the hubs, and see how the other half hooks up.
Bi-curious? Check out ‘The Phantom’, film fun for all consenting adults! |
The Great Corrupter
