The Great Corrupter
| I Don’t Need Drugs -- I Have ‘Zu Warriors’ |
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| Written by The Great Corrupter | |
| Tuesday, 10 June 2008 | |
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I know this sets me apart from most, well, everybody, other than the hubs, who was also a non-experimenter. His reasoning was that if he tried drugs he’d probably like them far too much, likely become an addict, and end up dead or worse by age 25. I never tried them because, frankly, I have a freaky enough imagination all on my own. I don’t NEED drugs to come up with bizarre ideas -- I just go to sleep, and bam, there they are, playing out in my Technicolor dreams. And I’m also pretty damned uninhibited -- I’ve given most anything a go at least once, particularly all the sins. I’m HUGE on the sins. ‘Cause they’re fun. And I was always smart enough to know that if someone was going to be so kind as to lay out each and every fun thing in the world to try, why, by golly, it was my duty to try them. I read the Bible cover-to-cover. There is some REAL kinky stuff in there, trust me. No, really…TRUST me. But, for some reason -- wanting to stay in control of my bad self and the desire to retain brain cells for all the alcohol I was drinking to absorb and burn in its own time -- I never tried recreational drugs or, as P.J. O’Rourke puts it, I never became my own pharmacist. But a couple of years ago, I found something that’s better than drugs. Or, at least, from what every stoner I’ve ever talked to or read (P.J. and Hunter S. Thompson and all those guys included), something that simulates a drug trip so perfectly, so completely, you need never waste your money on the real things again. I’m speaking of the cinematic classic, ‘Zu Warriors’. The hubs and I first caught part of this masterpiece in opium, acid, angel dust and living color while at the Vegas ‘House of Blues’, waiting for Motorhead to hit the stage. HOB was playing this movie on a continuous loop. At least, it seemed like it was a movie, and it might have been continuous. It was hard to tell.  Huh? The handsome guy loves a girl or girls, the same girl, really, but at the same time, not the same girl. The guy with wings loves some other girl who’s a tiny, evil fairy. There is badness. There is goodness. There is weirdness more than anything else. Freaky, drug-induced weirdness. We watched this thing over and over and literally got a contact high. We were both mellow and fired up and seeing infinity. We HAD to own this baby. So the hubs hunted it down and we bought the DVD. We assumed we’d understand what was going on when we were able to see the entire movie and hear/read the dialogue. Boy, were we stupid. Because, as near as we’ve been able to tell from repeated viewings, my bizarre understanding from the concert WAS the movie. The only thing we were missing was the names. Oh, the names. King Sky is the handsome hero. Dawn who is also Enigma is the lovely love interest with King Sky in some sort of horrifying cosmic loop where he’s the teacher/she’s the student, then she’s the teacher/he’s the student, over and over again. I don’t think they ever get to do the nasty in all these centuries they die and get reborn. Or maybe this was all sex. It’s hard to be sure. Red is the guy with wings. That’s his whole name, Red. Thunder is a good guy. The female ingénue is Joy, the male one who may be Thunder, Red or King Sky in his next life, or may not be, is Hollow or Ying, depending. The two wise oldsters are Master Transcendental and White Eyebrows. I swear to God I’m not making these names up. And who, you may ask, is the Big Bad? Who are all these people fighting? Well, they’re fighting an evil so powerful, so overwhelming, so dastardly, so insidious, that he/she/it could only be called one thing -- Insomnia. So, next time you need a fix, don’t call the local pusher. Go buy ‘Zu Warriors’ -- tune in, drop out, get high, and become highly confused. And to show you’re also fighting the good fight, get some sleep.             |
Despite being born in the 1960’s and growing up in the 1970’s and ‘80’s, I never did drugs. Well, at least not recreationally. This doesn’t apply to alcohol, which is a subject in and of itself. I don’t mind drinking my drugs -- caffeine and hooch -- but I draw the line at anything and everything else.| < Prev | Next > |
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