It didn’t take long to realize that the line was TOO long. Something was amiss. After waiting 30 minutes past our reservation time, I brazenly shoved past the hostesses blocking everyone from the dining area and made an amazing discovery -- there were a LOT of empty seats in the dining hall.

What there were not was empty tables.

Seems this fancy, expensive resort, in its wisdom, decided to set up most of its tables as rounds for 10. Shocker alert -- most families of 10 are eating Easter brunch at home.

So, what was happening was that groups of 2 and 4 were seated at these tables, meaning there were enough chairs, but the restaurant refused to ‘inconvenience’ its diners by ‘forcing’ them to sit together.

Several of us who were past starving said we’d gladly join together and BE a table of 6, 8 or 10, just let us get to the damned food already. The restaurant REFUSED. No, we’d made reservations for 2 or 3 or 4, and by golly, they were not going to ALTER their plans NOW, despite the fact that their plans were working as well as O.J.’s plan to find the real killer.

After Weapon X was released.

They refused.

I looked at my child, and said, “Chicklet, you have Mamma’s permission to throw a fit.”

WELL.

Weapon X gaped in shock for a moment, but she was always a bright child, and knew even at a young age that opportunities such as these didn’t happen every day. As she drew in a HUGE breath and just started the beginnings of a howl, the manager THREW herself at me and said, “No! We’ll seat you now!”

I told Weapon X to quiet down, she did, and we, and two other grateful families of 3 filed in to get fed. Shortly after, the rest of the herd were allowed in. I’d mentioned on the way to our table that I wasn’t above taking Weapon X out and letting her stand in the lobby until everyone had a chair.

The restaurant manager now lived in fear, and I had newfound power.

Weapon X.

And I wasn't afraid to use it. 

. . . 

(Part 2 to follow next week!  Stay tuned!!!) 

---

Comments

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MaryMumsy - partially effective IP:68.xxx.xxx.xxx | 2008-06-20 16:05:41 It worked in that instance due the young age of the chicklet. Once they get to be about 7, the management will politely ask you to depart and take your offspring with you. Else they will call the authorities. And people wonder why I obtained my child and grandchild by adoption at older ages. I have asked to be moved when in a nice restaurant and toddlers were seated at the next table. Reply 0   0

corrupter Author | 2008-06-24 14:28:20 Believe me, under the circumstances, every waiting patron was hailing me and the chicklet as their saviors. It's all in the timing... Reply 0   0

Marshall Brown - yea! IP:72.xxx.xxx.xxx | 2008-06-21 14:29:19 Thats a great use for a child I wondered why people had those things. Jumping lines for food, now theres a reason. Im gonna go make one. Reply 0   0

corrupter Author | 2008-06-24 14:31:44 It's worth it when you're under extreme duress. Let me point out, though, that there are many more times that your small child requires that you leave the restaurant or else the other patrons will pummel you and your offspring to death with the dinner rolls. Reply 0   0

Adrian_in_Phoenix - Weapon X IP:12.xxx.xxx.xxx | 2008-06-23 11:05:31 Of course this only works when you can in fact control said child - thanks for that Knowing that Chicklet probably helped edit this column means I can't use it for blackmail . . . hmmmmmm thinking thinking . . . Where's George Carlin when I need him? Oh yeah - dang! Later Reply 0   0

corrupter Author | 2008-06-24 14:32:53 LOL! You're a bad man. One of the reasons why I like you. I agree that it's all in how you weild the power. I try to use mine only for good, but, you know, that doesn't work every SINGLE time... Reply 0   0

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