I’m not much of a girl for topical events. They bore me just a little. But there are still things I’m quite passionate about.

Aerosmith was, is, and will always be better than the Rolling Stones.

Vanilla is fine, but chocolate is better.

Nothing, not even chocolate, however, is better than sex.

Sleep is awesome. But, nope, still not quite better than sex.

I care a lot more about Brad and Angelina than I do about spotted owls. Is that wrong?

The best movie in the world can be improved by the judicious addition of hot looking men. Same for the worst movie in the world. However, the best movie in the world cannot be the best UNLESS it has at least one good looking male in at least a major supporting role.

By my definition of it, ‘Interview with the Vampire ’ is one of the greatest movies ever made, and ‘Gandhi ’ is merely so-so.

‘The Right Stuff ’ starred Dennis Quaid and Ed Harris as well as Sam Shepard, Fred Ward and a bunch of other guys who were hot then and most of whom are still hot today. It’s almost as good as ‘Interview with the Vampire’ and far better than ‘Gandhi’.

No matter how weird or crazy a guy is, I can find him attractive if a) he’s hot, b) he has a great body, c) he has hair on his chest, d) he has great hair or he’s bald with a great head, e) he’s funny, f) he’s brilliant, g) he’s rich, or h) some combination of the above. Needless to say, before I was married, I never lacked for dates, any night of the week.

Has Tom found true love forever with Katie? And if not, can I be next in line? (Tom, I’m open religiously, ‘cause I just don’t care. Call me.)

If really given the opportunity to meet any person, living or dead, while I know most people say Abraham Lincoln or Albert Einstein, for me it would be a toss up between Bill Gates and Casanova. The real Richie Rich/smartest guy in the room or the best lover in history. Then again, maybe the wiser choice would be to meet Oprah and become her TRUE BFF. Guess it would depend on how much time I got for the meeting.

Then again, nothing makes a man attractive and sexy like money and power does. (Bill Gates, call me.)

All French comedies are funnier than American ones, but all French dramas are the same, whereas all American dramas are not. A comedy, French, American, or otherwise, still trumps a drama in the entertainment books.

On his worst day, Vincent Cassel is sexier than George Clooney on his best day. (Vincent, dump Monica and call me.)

‘Stripes ’ is still the funniest movie ever made.

‘Animal House ’, ‘Dogma ’, ‘Dirty Rotten Scoundrels ’, and ‘Galaxy Quest ’ are all close seconds to being the funniest movies ever made.

I try to watch ‘Friends ’ re-runs and not laugh, and so far, I have never been able to do it.

I try to watch ‘South Park ’ and laugh, and so far, I have never been able to do it.

Chris Rock = Genius. Dave Chappelle = Um, yeah, right, is Carlos Mencia on? How about Eddie Izzard? How about a re-run of ‘Friends’?

I’ve met a lot of celebrities and I’m always cool. I geek out when I meet even the most under-the-radar author or screenwriter. If I ever meet Kevin Smith , I think I may more than embarrass myself. Same with P.J. O’Rourke . Or Dave Barry . Or Stephen Tyler and Joe Perry . Oh, sorry, different point.

I can’t imagine what I’d actually do if I ever actually met the guys from Aerosmith in person. Well, actually, I can. ‘Embarrass myself’ doesn’t begin to cover it. Same with Elton John. Or, well, just about any musician I like. I geek over musicians like I geek over writers.

Actors really only exist for me in a visual status. After that, unless they’re also writers, rock stars, or members of my extended family, I don’t get excited. Unless they’re hot, male, and mostly naked. (Chris Evans , call me.)

This just in -- still nothing better than sex. (Upon careful consideration, yes, Chris Evans, really, call me.)

I have never understood how the British can be both the funniest people and the stuffiest people at the same time. This includes John Cleese and Eddie Izzard .

I can, and will, argue any and all of these points, and more besides, with much more passion and vigor than I give to any political candidate or cause. Politicians and causes come and go, but chocolate, sex, and Aerosmith are forever.