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- F. Lawrence Caslin
Ross Cavins
Ross Cavins is 36, twice divorced and has a cat for a best friend. He enjoys tinkering, eating peanut butter and self-gratification. Not necessarily in that order. Ross Cavins' website
Divorce: Badge of Experience PDF Print E-mail
Written by Ross Cavins   
Friday, 23 May 2008

ImageImageThe other day somebody left a comment on my site about my divorces.  I've had two.  They weren't planned but they exist nevertheless.  I can't hide from them so I embrace them.

I wear them as a badge.  A Badge of Experience.

With my badge, I can offer newlyweds advice.  Good advice.  Not crappy advice like "always communicate" and "put the toilet seat down."  I'm talking about real, practical marriage advice. 

For instance, let's take my cousin Jared.  He got married a few weeks ago.  At the wedding, he made a typical groom mistake.

wedding cake
The correct way to shove it up her nose.
You know the part of the ceremony where the bride and groom cut the cake and serve a piece to each other?  What's the biggest no-no the groom can make?  That's right, when he smushed the cake in her face, he got it in her hair.

Bad move.

You can get it all over her face, even in her nose or ears or her cleavage, but not in the hair.  Do you know how much money and time she put into getting her hair done?  She's been planning this day since she took her first steps and drooled on her fingers.  It's the biggest hair day in her life, bigger than the Senior Prom or the first day on her real job.

In fact, I'll wager that this is the single biggest hair day in any culture.  And he smeared cream cheese icing all in it her beautiful coif.  I doubt he got any nookie that night.

For the record, the bride shoved enough cake and icing up Jared's nose that he's probably still snacking on it between meals.

I've got a lot of advice I can offer couples contemplating marriage or even those who have already tied the knot.  After all, I've made two marriages worth of mistakes.  How many have those so-called marriage counselors made?

Some people may wear their divorces as badges of shame but for me, they are Badges of Experience.

For my advice on marriage and separate bathrooms, click here .

 





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Southern gal - Biting the bullet IP:71.xxx.xxx.xxx | 2008-05-23 21:10:38
Ross,

What you've all said is the truth. I'm sorry to have said that it wasn't a good thing in anyone's book to have that happen to them 2x by age 36. Sometimes I have a big mouth & I'm sorry I stepped in it. I shouldn't have been so presumptuous or outright critical of you.

Hey, look who's talking -- this will be my 2nd divorce, also. Who knew? No one plans these things, that's for sure.

Maybe it all starts with a really bad cake maneuver & it's all downhill from there, orrrr...

Could be a combination of that and what you've also mentioned -- not enough GLADE AIR FRESHENER on the entire earth to handle a MEXICAN 'revolt'.

Yep, reality is not what "little girls and little boys are made of." Slap. SPRAY. Gag some more. Accept. Realize. Oh brother, is this what life "is made of???!"... Harsh truths and waking up from the fairytale dreams??? Oh, geez. Alright. Hey, who really wants to live in Disneyland anyway? Place is one ride after another.

Oh, that's right - so is MARRIAGE. Cake anyone? Grab your ammo.

Soooo, what store do I get those GOOD badges at?! Do they have a website?...
;)

Jane
Southern gal - hmmm... IP:71.xxx.xxx.xxx | 2008-05-30 01:52:10
Ross -
It's been a week with the above soul-bearing apology sitting here and no reply as of yet...
Have I been forgiven for previously being too quick to comment regarding this very sensitive subject? I hope so... because great "literary geniuses" such as you and I (ha) are so rare and once having established a connection, it must not be compromised in any way, right?!

So, get off your SCRIVEL ass and read your comments you shmuck.
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