In the future…

• Mimes will be considered the height of humorous interpretation.

• There will be an entire religion built around Elvis Presley, and we will be awaiting his second, or possibly third, coming. During ‘Hips’ -- the Elvish equivalent of Lent -- all foods will be fried and bananas will be required to be a part of every meal.

• Hollywood will blame the newest media and entertainment advances for “the worst box office in the last decade” instead of accepting the fact that no one really wanted to see “Shrek 16: It’s Just Not Funny Anymore” or “Spiderman 27: Spidey Bores His Great-Grandkids Yapping About Doc Ock” in the first place.

• Politicians will be caught doing the very naughty things they condemned in everyone else. Somehow, half of them will be reelected.

• An incredibly attractive actor/actress will win an Oscar for playing ugly and/or crippled, even if an actually ugly and/or crippled actor/actress gave a better performance that year.

• A boy band seeming without much talent but covering a wide variety of ‘cute’ will conquer the pop charts.

• Tom Cruise will father his fifteenth biological child by his sixth gorgeous and young wife, and will still be ‘accused’ of being gay by people who supposedly embrace tolerance.

• Politicians will make campaign promises and break them within weeks of taking office. This will cover any elected official, including the dog catcher.

• Imbeciles will be elected to Congress.

• No matter how liberal the rest of the country becomes, San Francisco will still be considered outrageous and over-the-edge by the rest of the United States.

• 

  "I invented Global Freezing."
  President Chelsea Clinton-Obama will outlaw marriage between a man and a woman as being too much of a threat to traditional morals for our country’s good. San Francisco will stand up to this decree and open its arms to all heterosexual couples.

• The ‘death of print’ will be foretold by all print and electronic media because of implanted hyperchips in the brain. Somehow, some way, people will still, however, purchase printed matter and continue to cruise the ‘net, mystifying all but those same millions of people who like to actually LOOK at what they’re reading.

• Somehow, a hit movie that critics despised during its theatrical release will suddenly have more merit when the critics do the DVD release reviews.

• Al Gore will star in “A Stone Cold Shame” -- a hard-hitting documentary about how Global Freezing is destroying our planet and bringing on the next ice age.

• A handsome actor will be deemed “too successful” by the media who once loved and adored him, and will be systematically ripped to shreds until he “humbles” himself and is then forgiven and allowed to crawl back up the success ladder.

• No matter how popular a presidential candidate is with the media during election coverage, the moment he or she is elected, the media will turn on them and claim they are the worst president ever in the history of the United States.

• Rupert Grint IS James Bond, 007 in “MoneyRaker”! Fans go mad furious, claiming that Bond “cannot be a redhead!” Grint laughs all the way to the Bond bank as the 35th Bond movie and 3rd franchise restart breaks box office records. Rival studios plan “Shrek 17” and “Spiderman 28”.

• Paris Hilton will be given the Nobel Peace Prize for having gone into seclusion for twenty years, with the caveat that she remain in seclusion, even while receiving the award.

• Everyone, everywhere, will complain about how kids just aren’t as respectful and decent as they were “in my day”.

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