Gini Koch
| The Myth of Support |
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| Written by Gini Koch | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Monday, 16 June 2008 | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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My question is -- how does one get families and friends like these? Because mine are nothing like these mythical 'all supportive, all the time' folks I hear tell about. My family and friends are all born critics. Either they think that I am not living up to my potential, or they don't like the style, or they don't like the subject matter. If they don't barf all over my third draft, I usually throw myself a party. I might add that it's not that any of them think I'm talentless. Rather, they all seem to hold me to higher standards. Someone else, some stranger, can cough out a book that isn't all that great, who cares? I have to be creating deathless prose that will last through the ages or they don't want to know from it. My mother-in-law, for example, longs for the day she can trumpet to all the relatives that her daughter-in-law is a published author. She'd just like me to write something that she enjoys. But I happen to dislike most of the authors she adores. Mom has gone so far as to point out where, in my manuscripts, I could change whole sentences and scenes to sound more like her preferred authors. "Look," she said over an expensive dinner I was paying for. "Right here. You go into a sex scene." "Yeah. It's a sexy vampire story."  How I pay for my unwavering support. "Okay, Mom. But a lot of people do." "Well, I think you should take it out. And this description...when I read this other author's books, why, he describes how rain hits a puddle and the circles...what do you call those?" "Concentric." "Right. The concentric circles radiate out...he can spend a whole page describing the rain falling. I think that's wonderful." "Super. I happen to hate reading stuff like that, so I don't write it. The best my readers are ever going to get from me about rain is drizzle, light shower, downpour, or animals falling from the sky." "Well, I really think you're not going to get published this way." "Thanks, Mom. Enjoy the lobster, it's here." My husband, her son, is worse. And he tries so hard to be the epitome of the supportive spouse. Only...the man cannot lie. I recently landed an agent, a great agent. As I staggered into the kitchen, still drunk on the phone call, he turned to me, beaming. "Oh, honey, I'm so pleased for you." Pleased. This is how he expresses his excitement. If we ever win the lottery, he'll probably be very pleased. He went on. "I didn't want to jinx things, but this last book of yours I just knew was the one. It wasn't dull and stilted like your other writing." These are the compliments, folks. Our daughter can cover this ground, too. When discussing which of a wide variety of projects to tackle next, we went over my list. "Oh, not that one," she said about a personal favorite of mine. "Why not?" "It's so boring. I mean, really boring. So boring I almost fell asleep reading it boring." "It's about daredevils." "They're boring." "How are daredevils boring?" "Well, how you're writing about them is boring." And so it goes. My friends are the same, born critics all. They even criticize when a piece is published. "I read your piece!" "Oh, great, what did you think?" "Well, it didn't make me laugh, but I guess you've got a friend in that editor, hey?" I'm thinking of offering up an exchange program. I'll let another writer deal with my friends' and family's brutal honesty while I get to soak up their people's ability to say, "This is the best thing I've ever read! If you don't become the next best-selling author out there, well, then there's just something wrong with the world, that's all!" Any takers? Anyone? Didn't think so.
           
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As a writer, you're constantly warned not to listen to your family and friends' opinions of your output. After all, the reasoning goes, these folks love you and will only give you glowing reviews, even if what you've written wouldn't pass muster for the Dick and Jane set.
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