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  "People are strange when you're a stranger..." ~ The Doors
Ugh, I love that song. The other day it came on the radio and got me to thinking about all the strange people I know. Believe me, there are quite a few! Pretty soon, I decided that I wanted to pick the brain of one of the strangest people I know, so, naturally, I chose my friend who is a *******.
OK, I know what you are thinking, "Chelle B., what the hell is a *******?".
Well, I'd tell you, but since *******s happen to be easily offended, not to mention a bit trigger happy, I decided not to use labels. Because those offend them, and you know me, I hate to offend anyone. Seriously! Don't look at me like that. Anyhoo, let's see if you can figure it out what a ******* is, as you read the following interview:
Chelle B. - Hello, Mr. *******. May I ask, what are your views on freedom of speech or the right to offend others through self expression?
Mr. ******* - Well, Chelle B., as you know, I am a die-hard supporter of freedom of speech. More than that, each of us should be allowed the freedom to express ourselves in any way we see fit, regardless of who it may offend. It is our constitutional right.
Chelle B. - Mmmhmmm. So do you agree that this right extends to people who might possibly say or do things that might possibly offend you?
Mr. ******* - Why, no, of course not! That is altogether different! In fact, I fully support limiting freedom of expression for people like that, perhaps through strict laws, mandatory tongue removal or even an Amendment of the Constitution, if necessary.
Chelle B. - OK, well I am a bit confused then. Don't you consider yourself to be tolerant of others? Don't you celebrate diversity in all people?
Mr. ******* - Yes, of course! All people have worth, and everyone should be respected and treated with kindness, and shown how much they are appreciated for being the unique and special individual that they are. ALL people. Even the ignorant and handicapped. And the old.
Chelle B. - Mmhmmm, that's nice. So, what is your stance on war?
 If you don't believe in peace, I'll kick your &#@% ass.
Chelle B. - That sounds great! Mr. ******* - Yes, it is the basics of a future utopian society I hope to one day be a part of.
Chelle B. - Nice! Oh, one last thing. What about people who don't agree with you?? Do you feel that they deserve to be treated equally and with tolerance as well? Are they welcome in your future utopian society??
Mr. ******* - Oh, hell no!! You have to be #$%@ing kidding me.
Chelle B. - No, I'm not. Why do you say that??
Mr. ******* - Well, because they are scum and they should be culled at birth. Or else have their tongues cut out by law so they can't speak. Or given mandatory lobotomies so they can't think ignorant thoughts. In fact, their parents should be sterilized and not be allowed to breed at all. They really all need to be shot on site!!!
Chelle B. - Yes, that is the second time you mentioned mandatory tongue removal. I find that intriguing, given your stance on freedom of speech. So, in other words, you are a hypocrite.
Mr. ******* - Did you just call me a #$%^ing hypocrite?
Chelle B. - Mmmhmmm. If you notice, I'm also using global sign language to exert my freedom of expression now. I thought that you, of all people, would appreciate the irony of it. Mr. ******* - Well, I won't tolerate this! Chelle B. - Hmmm, but I thought you said you were tolerant. So you are a hypocrite then. Mr. ******* - That's it, you have offended me for the last time!! I am calling the ACLU!! Chelle B. - Good, tell them I think they are hypocrites too. Mr. ******* - $%@! YOU CHELLE B.!!!!! YOU SHOULD BE ILLEGAL!!! I HOPE YOU DIE A SLOW AND PAINFUL DEATH!!!
Chelle B. - Mmmhmmm. So I guess we aren't friends anymore? Does this mean that I won't be on the invitation list to your future social utopia then?? 
Oops, I mean...  |
Chelle B
