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  So have you been to the website about Stuff White People Like yet? Well I have, and let me tell you I was sure it would offend even me, since I have been a white girl for, well, practically my entire life.
I say practically because there was that one summer back in the 80's when I tried looking black by corn-rowing my hair and using self-tanner.
Seriously, though, not only did it not offend me, but never have I felt so comfortable with all of the nuances that come with being white! Heck, before I found this site and the list of things I like, I never even thought about how white I am. Most of the time I'd forget I even was white, until I got a sunburn! Oh well, those days are over, because I think of just how white I am every day now. In fact, there are a few things I would like to add to that little list of things about "my people".
For instance:
 Serial killers, all white.
Well, it's true! We do seem to like to be psychopathic serial killers.
You don't believe me? Just think about all of the psychopathic serial killers you know, and you tell me if they aren't all white. I know the ones that I know are white!
Now that I think of it, it's actually scary how many white psychopathic serial killers I know, really. Hmm. Anyhoo, I'd also add:
 Old men plotting the fate of the world.
Everyone knows this, so I challenge you to even attempt to disprove this one! It is well documented that throughout history, my people have been utterly bent on world domination more than any other group of human beings that have walked the earth. In fact, we are still bent on dominating the world, but we are much wiser now so we make it appear to have a more multi-cultural look to it, when in reality, at the very pinnacle of the plan for world control, sits a few old white guys who get sunburned easily, wear sweaters and like to golf.
Hey, I am not ashamed to admit the truth. I envy them a bit, in fact.
I mean, I secretly dream of world domination (and of being an old white guy who wears sweaters and golfs, but I'd like to not get sunburned so easily). Yep, and I'm sure all of these things go back to a primal instinct that is rooted deep within my "white-o-chondrial" DNA, right?
Right. Oh, and last but not least, to my list of things white people like, I would add:
#406 - White people love Jesus and his taco truck tacos with extra, extra jalapenos on them.
Oh, alright, that mostly applies to me, because I am a huge fan of Jesus and his tacos, and I would never let my whiteness stop me from going down there every day for lunch. Or back again for dinner. Between you and me, sometimes I just stay all night and wait for Jesus to make me some breakfast tacos. He even gives me a discount just because I'm white. Hooyah!! OK, not really. He only gives me a discount because we have a thing going, but please don't tell my white husband. It took me years to convince him that two of our three children have a hyper-pigmentation disorder! |
Chelle B
