These smarty-pants scientists have got this whole "global warming" thing figured out, don't they?  Ok…whatever…but there are far more important questions in my mind that need to be explored scientists and experts in their fields.

I just read that they now think that second-hand cigarette smoke is not dangerous?  My 4th grade teacher Mrs. Jansen would disagree.  I still remember the demonstration where she took a cigarette and dis-colored the white sponge from the smoke.  If the sponge is brown, you have cancer.  I am scared of brown sponges to this day.

Why is my 401K down 14% this year?  Can someone bloody explain this?

Why won't they stop changing names of random Asian countries?  Is there a lotto system over there that I'm not aware of?  It's more difficult to get your legal name changed in the US, than a whole country in Asia.

How do they make the white filling so damn good in double stuff Oreos?

Why did it take years and millions of dollars for Wal-mart to change their name to Walmart?

Science also tells us that you cannot create something out of nothing.  I tend to disagree with that for many reasons.  What about the careers of Paris Hilton or that Kardashian skank?  If "science" thinks it's so smart, then it needs to stop by my house, where we've been debunking every scientific truth for many years.

Case in point:

At any given time, I can pass out bowls of Honeycomb cereal to my 4 kids, and in less than 10 minutes, there is 14 bowls worth of cereal on the floor.  I've done the math here…I believe we can turn 1 regular box of Fruity Pebbles into 7 "family size" boxes. (2 fishes and 5 loaves of bread??  Child's play) It's literally unbelievable. (And maddening)  I've contacted FEMA to offer help, but they won't return my calls.

This also applies to sound in our home.  When 1 child is screaming, the decibel level is bearable.  Add in another, and the exponential growth curve begins.  When all 4 kids are in one room, the noise level has been measured above that of Madison Square Garden.  Place them all in the dining room---and we've got the Daytona 500.  If I'm not deaf by 40, then that will be the true miracle.

Place all 4 kids in one room.  Add in 1 medium size box of legos and a game of concentration…and in 15 minutes, I can't find the youngest as it appears they were staging a re-enactment of the movie "Twister."  Toys, clothes, and balls are conjured out of thin air to create this massive mess.  You can clean it up, and the phenomenon will be repeated in less than 1 hour.

I thought that my kids all had roughly 1 bike.  They go out to the garage and all of the sudden; it's turned into a myriad of riding toys covering the driveway and grass.  You'll need to add on to the garage to fit it all back inside.

Take that Einstein.  I'm working on cold fusion as we speak.

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