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Matt D

Matt D is 33 and enjoys online video games, Unix, fantasy sports, and Battlestar Galactica. He thanks God on high that he is married, or he would probably be living with his mother. Matt D's website, That Tears It!!

My Super Power PDF Print E-mail
Written by Matt D   
Friday, 25 July 2008

ImageImageIn the past few years, the media has brought to the fore-front of discussion, the idea of an "evolutionary step" in the chain of humanity.  This "step" has led to everyday people displaying physical and mental attributes like none could have dreamed.  Shows like "Heroes" and movies like "X-Men" have people wondering…what if? (I on the other hand, wondered "what if" that blue makeup were to be smeared off Rebecca Romijn…I digress)

At great risk to myself and my family, I believe it's time to come out of the closet. (no…not that)  I have decided to tell the world that like Hugh Jackman, I have a super-power.  But unlike Hugh Jackman, I do not look good without a shirt.

tupperware
See the choices available?
Much like the spider biting Peter Parker, I also had an experience that triggered my "development."

I was cleaning up the dishes after dinner (as I always do) and putting away the leftovers in Tupperware containers.  I reached into the cabinet holding the superfluity of containers, and randomly pulled out a few.  I scooped out the contents of chicken, pasta, and potatoes.  I looked back upon my work, and noticed a strange phenomenon…..that every container was filled EXACTLY to the top.  Not an inch was wasted in any container…not a drop left in any pan. 

Chalking it up to luck, I attempted the same feat the following night, with resounding success.  I watched my skills continue to be honed and perfected with each passing day.  No item of food has ever been wasted, no space in the fridge has been "tied up" with "far-too-large" containers…no food has ever needed to be thrown away.  It is an amazing sight to behold.

bbq
BBQ - perfect!
As my father once told me, "With great power, comes great responsibility."  So, "The Brimmer" (as I am known in the superhero community) and the "Legion of Justice" will fight to eradicate the world of evil.  Below are my fellow fighters:

"Eye-sight"---Is able to tell if an item hanging on the wall is level with no assistance from mechanical tools or laser sights.

"The Judge"---Can tell within 5 miles when he is going to run out of gas.  Fill-ups are few and far between for this hero.

"Squeeze Play"---Can literally get at least 10 more uses from a roll of toothpaste that has been thrown away by the average citizen.

"The Alternator"---Has never been beaten in creating a checkerboard pattern on a rubix cube.  The speed and agility of his hands is amazing.

chicken
Chicken - perfect!
And our technology assistant is "The Programmer" who---while being dominantly right-handed---can maneuver a mouse with his left hand with surprising ease. (although it's been strongly suspected that this has come more out of practice and necessity than actual gift-his right hand is generally tied up.)

And while we are interested in ridding the world of evil, we're focused a little more on how to market our powers into a movie.  With the onslaught of super-hero movies on the docket this summer, you'd have to think we'd do at least as good as a Wayans brothers movie.  Gotta go, I just got a call from a buddy who ran out of gas and needs a ride.

 




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Uncle Beau - Title of This Comment IP:75.xxx.xxx.xxx | 2008-07-25 21:21:52
Dude....I love the name "Brimmer", just don't get sent to prison using that alias. It takes on a whole new meaning in the "slammer". Great post!
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formerly fun IP:71.xxx.xxx.xxx | 2008-07-26 20:55:26
Hmmmm, funny, my husband can also mouse with his left hand. I guess some people just have skilz.

My superhero name, I am the Lie Detector. If I am face to face with someone, I can immediately tell when they are lying. Works great when negotiating buying a car. Wish I played more poker.
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deb'm IP:66.xxx.xxx.xxx | 2008-08-14 07:31:08
i always look at people who are like you, good sir, in awe and amazement. i drip and waste like someone's paying me.
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