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Chuck and Cletus 2.com
News Satire and Funny Photos.
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What We're Doing Right Now ...
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Written by Matt D
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Friday, 25 July 2008 |
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  In the past few years, the media has brought to the fore-front of discussion, the idea of an "evolutionary step" in the chain of humanity. This "step" has led to everyday people displaying physical and mental attributes like none could have dreamed. Shows like "Heroes" and movies like "X-Men" have people wondering…what if? (I on the other hand, wondered "what if" that blue makeup were to be smeared off Rebecca Romijn…I digress)
At great risk to myself and my family, I believe it's time to come out of the closet. (no…not that) I have decided to tell the world that like Hugh Jackman, I have a super-power. But unlike Hugh Jackman, I do not look good without a shirt.
 See the choices available?
I was cleaning up the dishes after dinner (as I always do) and putting away the leftovers in Tupperware containers. I reached into the cabinet holding the superfluity of containers, and randomly pulled out a few. I scooped out the contents of chicken, pasta, and potatoes. I looked back upon my work, and noticed a strange phenomenon…..that every container was filled EXACTLY to the top. Not an inch was wasted in any container…not a drop left in any pan. Chalking it up to luck, I attempted the same feat the following night, with resounding success. I watched my skills continue to be honed and perfected with each passing day. No item of food has ever been wasted, no space in the fridge has been "tied up" with "far-too-large" containers…no food has ever needed to be thrown away. It is an amazing sight to behold.
 BBQ - perfect!
"Eye-sight"---Is able to tell if an item hanging on the wall is level with no assistance from mechanical tools or laser sights.
"The Judge"---Can tell within 5 miles when he is going to run out of gas. Fill-ups are few and far between for this hero.
"Squeeze Play"---Can literally get at least 10 more uses from a roll of toothpaste that has been thrown away by the average citizen.
"The Alternator"---Has never been beaten in creating a checkerboard pattern on a rubix cube. The speed and agility of his hands is amazing.
 Chicken - perfect!
And while we are interested in ridding the world of evil, we're focused a little more on how to market our powers into a movie. With the onslaught of super-hero movies on the docket this summer, you'd have to think we'd do at least as good as a Wayans brothers movie. Gotta go, I just got a call from a buddy who ran out of gas and needs a ride. |
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Matt D
