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Written by Ross Cavins
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Thursday, 24 July 2008 |
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  There is a lot about the human race I don't understand. Our propensity to go 45 in a 55 mph zone. Our need for complex government tax programs that no one (including those who wrote them) can decipher. And the concept of group peeing.
Women do this in restaurants and bars. They move as a flock from drinking liquids to expelling them. This we all know, because it has been hashed over by comedians to death.
But men have been largely ignored in this way. Men may not move as a pack to the bathroom but once they're there, they pee as a group. Whether on the "crapper" or at the urinal, men are apt to discuss topics ranging from sports to politics to that hot chick with the cleavage drinking the Corona.
 Why'd you stop?
Personally, I don't understand this social concept. To me, the bathroom is one of the most personal areas invented. You do things in there you don't want known to the outside world.
I can't do the group pee like most men. In fact, in a group setting, my plumbing freezes up like an Antarctic polar bear. I have a hard enough time producing a urine specimen on demand in a private bathroom, much less peeing around others.
I've sometimes taken as long as twenty minutes for a simple pee. Just because people kept coming into the restaurant bathroom. I'd feel the release beginning as my innermost muslces relaxed. I'd sigh and let it flow. Then the door would open and my bladder would clinch tight in a psychological muscle spasm.
And there, I've hit on the crux of the matter. It's a psychological hang-up and it's not the only one I have. But that's what makes for interesting discussion, right?
So I can't pee in front of other people. So what, huh? My first wife couldn't touch raw wood ... can you imagine that one? Talk about your psychological hang-ups... |
Ross Cavins
