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Written by Uncle Beau
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Thursday, 07 August 2008 |
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  Going to a family reunion when you're inducted into a whole new tree can be the most dangerously arousing thing for your mind. Here's what I mean: How many hicks does it take to keep a door closed?
Apparently it takes the whole family.
 I'm really not sure how many last names there were at the end of the day, but they'd never forget my name.
Sadly, no one came up and introduced themselves. I think it was because I was wearing a shirt that said, "NASCAR sucks!". At least the biscuits and grits tasted like crap. It's fun to meet new people, especially when more of the children than adults are chain smokers.
Maybe that's the reason they used cheerios for bingo game pieces. One of the little ones asked me for a light, so I did what any Yankee at a tightly wound southern reunion would do. I lit it at the filter. That'll teach her to smoke Basics. She should have gone with Cuban cigars like her younger brother.
 The best part was that they had a costume contest. A costume contest!! At 2:00 on a Saturday in July. How bored do you have to be? It was obviously apparent that the idea didn't go over well with their planning department. Only two people dressed up; and they showed off their costumes right in the middle of "N 23". The only one that could save the day was a tiny walnut with an even dumber name than Cletus or Festus.
Meet Gumnut. |
Uncle Beau
