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Can You Photoshop Indifference? |
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Written by NukeDad
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Wednesday, 06 August 2008 |
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  Recent news that the Iranians had photoshopped extra missiles into a picture to make it appear that they were more bad ass than they actually are got me thinking. What if you could Photoshop emotion into your pictures? Remember your Prom night picture? There you are looking all handsome in your rented tux; too bad they forget to hem your pants.
The look on your face tells the viewer that you are less than pleased, which causes them to investigate. Why would this young man look so upset on such a festive day? Well, look at his pants! No wonder he's scowling. Didn't he try them on before he left the tux shop? No? Oh. Well, serves him right then.
 Love the Pants.
But what about all the other pictures that you have stuffed in drawers and shoeboxes? Wouldn't you display more of them if you could Photoshop out the reason you're not displaying them in the first place? Just think; you could Photoshop out expressions, tufty hair, yellow teeth, uni-brows.
The bunny ears your brother placed behind your head at Grandma's funeral could be forever erased and give Mom some solace as the picture takes up residence on the sofa table.
The picture of you screaming in terror on The Spleen Extractor at Six Flags last year could be manipulated to show you eyeing the camera in indifference. The effect on prospective employers would be enormous: "We're giving you the job Dave; this rollercoaster picture that you attached to your resume was the deal closer. We need that kind of calm, cool Schwarzenegger-like attitude at MegaCorp." You are one cool customer, my man!
Be careful, though; you don't want this to get out of hand. Don't try to Photoshop your head onto the bodies of actors or actresses; that's what the county fair is for. Those vendors paid good money for their booth, support them. Be subtle in your deceit; no one is going to believe that you had dinner with the Pussycat Dolls, so don't even try it.
Keep the space/time continuum in mind also; don't take a picture of you from last year and Photoshop it into you shaking hands with JFK. The In-laws from Arkansas might buy it, but nobody else will. Have fun, but be reasonable. If you are 5'9" and weigh 187, the chances of photoshopping yourself to look like Teri Hatcher are slim. You may end up looking like Joan Crawford after a wire-hanger discipline session. |
Nuke Dad
