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  On a recent trip, I visited the "Magic Kingdom" in Anaheim. Unfortunately, one of the only impressive "magic" tricks I saw, was the ease at which they took large sums of my money.
Really the only other “sleight of hand” that I witnessed was the difference at how Disneyland treated the “Americans with disabilities Act." Let me explain:
Most attractions actually have 3 different lines. 1 is for the foreigners where they just walk up and wait for an hour until they reach a sign that says "45 minutes from this point."
Another is where you can take your entrance ticket, and get a “fast-pass” which gives you entry to a ride at a designated time. Kind of like when you went to 2nd lunch in High school instead of 1st lunch. The last line is really a cruel twist of fate for many people. After waiting for what feels like an eternity, you finally make it up to the ride---and then are told to wait as you watch people coming from this “magical” line that takes them to the front of the ride. What is this “magical” line? Well, it’s Disney’s answer for those that may be handicapped, or have some other physical ailment that prevents one from waiting in line with the other suckers for hours. It’s a great thing really. I saw severely handicapped people who would have no chance to wait in line. Some VERY old people were also able to use the line. It is what the line was designed for…and serves a good purpose. It did start to become a little disconcerting when an entourage would follow this person onto the ride. And then it turned utterly disgusting and ridiculous as droves of people with all sorts of un-seen “problems” made their way to the front of the line. I don’t know what Disney considers an allowable ailment to receive a wheelchair, but here are some of the things I saw that I think qualify you for “premier service:” - You are Pregnant
- You are thinking about getting pregnant
- You or your father had once broken your collarbone
- Carrying a small "decorative" dog in a purse
- You have red hair
- You needed something to put your back-pack in
- You have had any sort of surgery in the last 10 years (including breast enhancement, nose job, or Botox)
- You have 75 dollars
 But the best group was those that qualified for the motorized wheelchairs. If you’ve been to wal-mart in the recent past, you’ve seen these harbingers of death. At any given time, a 350 pound person thinks their wheelchair is an ice-breaker at the Antarctic--cutting through the masses of people….look out, or your ankles will be broken.
Since when did obesity qualify as a handicap? Just because you can eat 15 churros, and I can only finish 3, should not give you special privilege on Splash Mountain. I do take solace in one thing: At the rate at which people are getting fat…the handicap line will be much longer than the regular line very soon. Maybe then they’ll create a 4th line…I wonder if you’d have to be in a coma to enter it. I wish I would have realized this all before my trip….I’m 100% positive that the mole I had removed from my back 13 years ago, would have gotten me into fat city…not literally speaking. |
Matt D
