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  I'm not quite sure how it happens. But sometimes I guess I look like I care. And I guess that's my own fault.
I have always had the same approach toward things. For the sake of sociological interactions, I have two modes.
Mode A allows me to put on the charm face when I want something or when there is somebody I need to bullshit with, which really means I don't like the person but my paycheck's depend on our interaction. Sometimes, you just have to bite the bullet.
Mode B allows me to be myself. To me, I'm content. To others, I am an arrogant prick. And I can deal with that. True arrogance is bad. But perceived arrogance is better than niceness. Let me tell you why.
Until Tuesday last, I hadn't eaten a donut in probably two years. Having woken up in a good mood, I decided I wanted a donut, so I went down to the donut shop.
I smiled at the clerk and was pleasant. The little bastard child in the corner threw donut holes at my leg. Unenthused, I smiled at the parent, letting him know I was not harmed by his child's stupidity.
In the midst of my ordering, the little kid started crying and screaming "I'm hungry whaaaa." I chuckled playfully and glanced over with a look like, "Oh, gosh, kids at this age are just something else. Those little rascals…" but the dad glared at me, anger dripping from his eyes like it was my fault his spawn of Satan started chucking his breakfast at random passerby.
Dick.
I finished my order and took out my wallet to pay, just as a jolly-looking man walked in. I struggled, but I mustered a pathetic excuse for a smile. Bad idea.
He told me about his stepfather, how his car broke, how he was going to surprise him with an apple fritter so he could help him fix his car.
I stared.
 I contemplated ramming my maple bar down his throat. Literally.
Later I took my grandmother to her friend's birthday party and plastered on my smile. What did it get me? Nothing more than 20 strangers grabbing and hugging me. Church people are too touchy. Sure, I guess we can be one in the Lord. But if you don't know my name then get the fuck out! I will take your tender and warm-hearted spirits and crumble them with one patented ThunderPunch from my fist to your chest.
I didn't smile the rest of the day. And you know what? It felt great. |
The Josh
