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Written by Tiggy
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Wednesday, 13 August 2008 |
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  My boss informs me Rob is not at work today as she believes his father has died. She asks me to buy a sympathy card to be signed by the staff. I hike for three miles in the pouring rain looking for a suitably tasteful condolence. Stupid card.
I dutifully take the card around the company, informing employees in hushed tones that Rob's father has passed, please can you write a few words? Responses range from mild indifference (who in the flying fuck is Rob?) to "Oh my god! How did he die? When? Of what?" I have no idea but just shake my head sadly. Actually I have no idea who Rob is either.
The card is filling up nicely with smudged signatures and awkward "Sorry about your Dad" comments. I shuffle into Tom's office and hand him the card.
"Hmm. You know, I'm sure it must be his father in law that died. Rob said he was very ill." Oh fuckery. In-law? That is bad, but not quite as bad as your own dad. Dammit! For a second I am cross with Rob's father for possibly being still alive. I'm not going back out in the rainstorm to get another card. I could retrace my steps and amend this one - "Oh it's alright, it wasn't his actual dad! Can you just add 'in law' to the bit you wrote?" That would make me look stupid. No, I shall carry on. It's my boss's fault anyway.
I continue on my not-so-mournful quest, attempting to dodge questions from concerned co-workers.
 Dad's fine, really.
"Who?"
"Yes. Just sign there, please."
Stupid card.
By the time I've done my rounds, the company's Chinese telephone is buzzing with the news that Rob's father, or father in-law has died. Or maybe it was his mother? Maybe they both died in a car crash. The office downstairs is under the impression poor Rob himself has passed, which explains why he is not in. I feel responsible for the demise of Rob and his entire family.
A few days later I find the card back on my desk, with a note from Rob. Thanks for the card, it says, but my father is alive and well. My father in law is ill but hanging on, hopefully he will pull through. Damn them! I slip the card in my desk drawer. I'll give it back to him when the time comes. Stupid card. |
Tiggy
