When my friend Kiki lived in the same state as me, her life was reasonably normal. Well, for her. But suburban Ohio’s turning out to be more exciting than first assumed.

Kiki’s settling into life in Middle America somewhat. Sure, she’s being eaten alive by the mosquitoes and other bugs -- even though her husband, Tom, and their boys seem immune. But really, Doc Walt has some great insect repellent down at the bait shop. And soon he really thinks he’ll find the right combo that will work for Kiki.

But it’s not all bugs where Kiki lives. Because, it turns out, Kiki lives on Strange Stripper Street.

Covering the ‘strange’ part is Kiki’s landlady, a Christian Fundamentalist who lives on one side of the funhouse Tom rented for them. Landlady’s nice, nosy, and odd. I know, what were the chances, right? In addition to her other interesting qualities -- like the fact she doesn’t think a non-level house is a problem at all -- she has a house across the street from Kiki for rent. It’s furnished. Completely furnished. Down to the linens furnished. All you need are your clothes and stuff for the fridge and you’re ready to move in.

Shockingly, no takers.

Kiki suggested that maybe people would want their own linens and such, let alone furniture -- let alone mattresses -- but the landlady’s adamant that if this stuff was good enough for her ancient mother who just went to the Home, then it’s good enough for whoever’s going to rent.

Landlady’s also one of those who will talk for hours and tell you her life story over and over again. However, she’s more pleasant than Kiki’s other neighbor.

Which brings us to the ‘stripper’ part of the street. Yes, truly, Kiki lives next door to a working stripper. A working, active stripper, despite, as Kiki says the landlady puts it, “an unfortunate face atop a mediocre body.” A working stripper who, for reasons unclear and unknown, still has an outside clothesline -- in the front yard. And apparently all her work ‘clothes’ are hand washed and hung to dry. In the front yard. Kiki thinks the gal’s advertising, but she’s not sure.

She’s not sure because the stripper, in addition to not being the most attractive gal in Ohio, is also unpleasant. And also a little paranoid.

Tom and Kiki got the boys a trampoline. Maggie, Stoner Pooch, loves the trampoline. She jumps, flips and slides on it. But sometimes she lets the boys play on it, too. And when they do, they like to jump high, and they also like to see what other pets are around. So, as they see them, being little boys, they point them out.

The stripper happens to have a couple of dogs, so the boys love waving to them. The stripper, however, being used to dealing only with older boys and being, as I mentioned, paranoid, is accusing Kiki’s boys (aged 8 and 5) of ‘staring at her and pointing’.

Kiki’s explained that, to the boys, the stripper is just an old lady, older than their mom, meaning they aren’t looking at her and, in fact, are trying to become friends with her dogs. The stripper will have none of it. Kiki’s boys are staring and pointing at her because they want to see her take her clothes off, and she suggested that Tom is the one putting them up to it.

Kiki managed to keep Tom’s comments about how if he wanted to have nightmares there were easier ways to get them than from looking at this particular gal from the stripper’s ears. But still, she’s an unpleasant neighbor. Many days the landlady, who is also the newspaper delivery person, won’t give the stripper her paper.

In Ohio this, apparently, is a huge diss. Maybe the comeback is to hang your thongs and pasties up in the front yard. Kiki’s not sure and Doc Walt’s been too focused on bug repellent mixtures for her to ask.

But Kiki’s got it under control.

Apparently, this block shares a well. And the way it works, Kiki controls the flow to both her house…and the stripper’s house.

The stripper’s next laundry day’s gonna be a long time coming.