Of course, the stripper next door is still causing them problems. Well, not really the stripper herself. Kiki sort of handled that by cutting off their water for a week. It was amazing how the stripper stopped complaining and started being somewhat pleasant. She knows Kiki has the power and isn’t afraid to use it.
No, the stripper isn’t the current problem. The stripper’s five-year-old daughter is the problem.
She’s a cute little blonde-haired girl, long braids, big blue eyes. Tom says she looks nothing like her mother, or her father. He’s spent some time checking out the mailmen and the utility workers, but has come to the conclusion that one customer gave the stripper a really big tip.
Possible, but Kiki says nurture is still winning over nature, because this little girl is brazen to the point of embarrassment. Particularly in front of Jonathan, Kiki’s eldest, who this little girl is in love with, if we define ‘love’ to mean ‘just this side of stalker.’
The little girl is closer to Chad’s age, but she likes older men, and is pursuing Jonathan with clear intent to score. And Kiki says the girl really means ‘score’.
She comes over dressed in what Kiki’s pretty sure are her mother’s cast off ‘work clothes’ and proceeds to ‘dance’ as much as she can. Kiki tries to distract her with TV or video games, but the girl will have none of it. It’s the Dance of the Thousand Barbie Dresses or nothing for this kid. Kiki won’t let her near the trampoline. The girl’s demonstrated great agility already on the ground -- Kiki doesn’t want to know what she could do airborne.
Kiki did think she’d gotten the kids off the ‘let’s play Mommy’s work’ game by getting them looking for a song on the internet. However, that sort of backfired.
See, their town feels very out in the middle of nowhere to Kiki and Tom. No bookstores close by, no video stores close by, no multiplex theater close by, and so on. So, while Kiki’s willing to drive an hour to get to a decent bookstore, she and Tom decided that, in the adult video department, they had a video camera and why not do some amateur stuff like the rest of the world seems to?
They were so pleased with their results that, on a lark, they posted their amateur night onto the YouTube Naughty Vids section.
Now, you, as a reasonable adult, are thinking that this was potentially embarrassing because their elderly parents might catch it. However, since these videos are age restricted, no risk of the kiddies spotting anything, right? Wrong. Oh so wrong.
See, the stripper’s daughter, who happens to be named Jezebel (and you wish I were making that up but I’m not), knows how to get behind any age restriction issue on the ‘Net. So, while Jonathan was searching for a clip from Disney’s ‘Hercules’, Jezebel found a clip called ‘Hunkules’. Hey, Tom’s a big, good-looking guy, what can I say?
There’s nothing quite like hearing your two young boys and the young girl from next door shrieking -- first with horror, then with laughter -- over seeing you and your husband doing the nasty in funky ways. Kiki says that one day, she might forget the sounds, but she’s not counting on that day to be soon, especially since little Jezebel ran straight to the Christian landlady with the news. Apparently, they have a working relationship, because Jezebel went home with the Sunday paper and an extra set of coupons that day.
On the other hand, the rest of the neighbors are a lot friendlier to her and Tom these days, even the stripper, though Kiki feels there’s now an element of competition between them. Doc Walt even mentioned that he found Kiki’s limberness to be quite invigorating and gave her the latest batch of super-repellent for free.
Kiki said she’d be embarrassed, but the school already has the boys in counseling due to a variety of things that really aren’t all Kiki’s fault, and besides, they have over 20,000 views of their video and growing. And if that doesn’t say ‘fitting in’, what does?
Gini Koch
My friend Kiki is starting to settle into her new life in her bizarre house in her weirder neighborhood in the wilds of formerly-thought-to-be-boring Ohio. 
