If there's one thing I know, its heartbreak. I've been dumped by the best of them and the worst of them. Mostly the worst of them.

After a lot of soul-searching and hundreds of thousands of dollars in therapy, I've decided to pass my infinite knowledge of all things love-related onto you.

You're welcome.

Enjoy and write to me with your questions and comments using the email above!

Dear That Chick,

My boyfriend said that as soon as I loose 45 pounds he'll buy me an engagement ring. Do you have any good weight loss tips?

Signed,

Weight-Watcher in Wyoming

Dear Watcher,

First of all, you don't loose weight. You LOSE weight. For the love of God.

Second? You want a tip? Dump his stupid ass and go out with someone else. Because, um, if you don't? What happens when you get pregnant with his baby? You have to start smoking so you'll have a low-birth weight kid? Do you really want to go down that path? If you do, I have no help for you.

You're welcome!

- That Chick

Dear That Chick,

My husband cheated on me when I was pregnant. Now that I've had the baby he wants to try to work it out. What should I do?

Signed,

Baby's Momma in Bristol

Dear Momma,

I'm so sorry.

Get over it and go out with someone else.

Seriously, do you really want to be with someone who LEFT YOU WHEN YOU WERE PREGNANT? The most vulnerable time of your life when you needed somebody there making whale noises at you while you were in labor or some crap?

There are plenty of men out there. Don't waste your time on this, the most vinegary of all the douches.

You're so welcome!

- That Chick

Dear That Chick,

I'm dating the perfect guy. He's attentive and sweet and treats me like a Queen…when I see him. The problem is I only see him once a week.

I've never been to his house. He always comes to my house. I only have his cell phone number. I'm not even sure what city he lives in.

I really see myself having a long-term relationship with him. How can I get him to open up?

Sincerely,

Ready to be a wife in Wilmington

Dear Ready,

You might be ready to be a wife and fortunately, he's ready to be a husband.

Unfortunately (for you) it's because HE'S ALREADY MARRIED.

Dude. Seriously. My 10 year old daughter could have figured this one out.

Get over it. Go out with somebody else.

You're welcome.

- That Chick

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Kimberly - Gah! IP:70.xxx.xxx.xxx | 2008-10-08 22:05:53 Please, please tell me those aren't real emails and you're just being funny. I mean...come on...for reals?! Either way though - you rock! Reply 0   0

Chelle - You're awesome. IP:24.xxx.xxx.xxx | 2008-10-09 06:33:27 I think I mentioned that yesterday, but seriously. You're the best. Reply 1   0

Tiger Lamb Girl - seriously IP:84.xxx.xxx.xxx | 2008-10-09 08:34:45 I expected nothing less of you, Chick. I love your honesty! mmmwhhha! Reply 1   0

J - OMG IP:67.xxx.xxx.xxx | 2008-10-09 14:03:06 You crack me up, Chick. But, you already knew that! Reply 1   0

doubleuteeff - wtf IP:98.xxx.xxx.xxx | 2008-10-17 04:38:03 god what a *edit* you are Reply 1   3

Lesley - LOL IP:76.xxx.xxx.xxx | 2008-10-17 10:34:45 You are too funny! I LOVE reading anything you write!!! You never fail to amaze me! Reply 2   0

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