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  As a kid, I thought that I had learned everything I needed to know about sex.
My sources of information came from porno mags found in car wash garbage cans, gleaning statements here and there from older boys, and watching the Benny Hill show.
Years later I realized that I may not have known the whole story ...
As a young man, I took up a temporary job at a local library. They were moving away from the "Card system," and were migrating towards computers. My job, was to enter the ISBN number from the book, and then scan a newly taped barcode on the inside cover into the computer. This had to be done with the every book in the library. They stuck me in a back room, and would bring me cart after cart of books. (always stressing to keep them in dewey decimal system order!!)
After days and days of going through WW2 histories, Elvis biographies, and Cooking books, they started wheeling in the "romance novel" section. I truly had no clue what the allure was with these books. All I knew was that the romance novel section in Fred Meyer was almost as large as the beer aisle, and you'll find three old ladies perusing the sultry covers at any given time.
Little did I know the education that I was going to receive.
I casually flipped through the pages of a book one morning. I truly believe that if you were to count the words used most often in the book, the order would be:
As an innocent young man, I had no idea that there was so much "written sex" in the world. It made me look at those old ladies in Fred Meyer in a completely different light.
 In addition, I learned a completely different line of thinking when it came to women ... which has nothing to do with sex at all. The following themes in the books generally seemed to make a man more successful with a woman:
- Always precede an intimate experience with horseback riding on the beach under the stars while wearing no shirt.
- When saving a woman's life on a deserted island, do not wear a shirt.
- When rescuing a damsel in distress from the King's guard, allow your shirt to be ripped off in the chase.
- If you are a servant man who is working outside on the farm, lose the shirt.
- You will have more luck with women if you are a captain of a pirate ship who is a good man deep down, a ridiculously buff gladiator in ancient Rome, or a rogue cowboy drifter with dashing blue eyes.
And most importantly, the intimate act is tantamount to the "profession of love" beforehand. This is the true climax for the woman.I quickly learned that the difference between men and women (in theory) is that women like the ROMANCE in the books, and guys just like the pictures.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to pick up my Zorro costume from the store. I wonder if they sell the shirtless model?? |
Matt D
