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Written by Tiggy
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Thursday, 23 October 2008 |
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  What’s so funny about ginger-haired people? I’m one myself. When I was a child I though it was something to be proud of – old ladies would pat my head in the supermarket and coo about my lovely golden locks, in that way old ladies do.
My fellow playmates were not so kind and I was an obvious target for the school bully. I soon learned that being called ‘ginger twat’ was not a show of affection. There was something wrong with me! Like a pasty-skinned mutant with a faulty chromosome, I was destined to spend my life bleaching my hair and hiding my true identity.
Maybe we are mutants. Many Neanderthals were redheads - like we need more nicknames. Not that there is anything wrong with being a Neanderthal. They were quite resourceful and advanced, not like those stupid Homo Sapiens with their fancy dark hair and skinny limbs. But there must be good things about being a redhead …  Many early paintings of Jesus show him with red hair. Mary Magdalene too. And all the heavenly Angels. We must have some kind of divine status. By extension, would that make God a carrot-top?
- Not all Vikings were blonde and bloodied. Erik the Red was fearless ginger Norseman who discovered Greenland. I doubt his followers called him Erik Carrot Cock. Ask a Viking warrior if his collars and cuffs matched and you’d end up skewered to a tree.
- Just think of all the successful gingers in history! Henry VIII was so popular, he had seven wives! Although I hear he had a temper. And his daughter Elizabeth I helped discover the potato – where would McDonalds be without her? Although I hear she had a temper.
- Redheads are renowned for being passionate and fiery. I must point out this is not the same as having a temper. By extension, this must make us great in the bedroom. "Bed A Red Instead" is a great slogan for us red-hot love machines. I must make a t-shirt.
So the next time you’re chatting to a pregnant lady, instead of the usual snarky comments about ginger babies, look her straight in the eye and declare “Madam, I hope your child is blessed with hair more orangey than an orangutan eating a satsuma!” If she punches you, it just proves she too has a bit of that ol’ fiery ginger magic. |
Tiggy
