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All the Bad Sex I’ve Had, a very, very, very long book (pt 5) |
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Written by Suzy Soro
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Friday, 14 November 2008 |
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  The beginning of Chapter 2 in Suzy Soro's unreleased book.
Chapter Two
How I Got Over Scotty
All the Bad Sex I’ve Had, a very, very, very long book (Part 5) I only remember one detail of the first time I had sex with Scotty, which was the first time I had sex. At one point he took my head and pushed it down to his crotch.
I looked up at him.
"What are we doing?" Looking back I guess I should be grateful he didn't laugh in my face. But then physically, how could he have?
"69."
"What's that?"
"If we were doing it right, we'd look like the number sixty-nine."
I looked up at him; he did not look like the top of a nine or the bottom of a six. I wondered if when we had been laying head to head, him on top, me on the bottom, was that an 11?
If everything in sex had a number I was going to be shit out of luck. What if one day he just called out 54? How would I remember what 54 was when I couldn't even memorize the rules of Monopoly? A combo platter like 18 plus 9 was going to set me back to sucking my thumb. Which, frankly, would have been a decent clue when he mentioned 69.
Scotty and I met in our sophomore year in college, when I was nineteen and he was twenty. I had dated other boys my freshman year but stayed at second base, unable to chase a homerun and unwilling to risk getting tagged out. I always thought it was funny that a woman's anatomical topography was reduced to a sports metaphor. It was really indicative of where sexual conquest lies on the male continuum. It was all just a game.
I think Scotty became The One because he just talked me into it more easily. He was glib where the others stuttered. And at nineteen, I was the oldest virgin in college and probably would have done it with anyone.
I was nervous. What if I didn't do it right? How would I know if he was doing it right? And why didn't my girlfriends tell me about the numbers? (to be continued) |
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Suzy Soro
