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The Gayest Superhero Ever |
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Written by F. Lawrence Caslin
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Wednesday, 17 December 2008 |
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  I've found him, the gayest superhero in the history of the world. I was flipping through a Reader's Digest while at the doctor's the other day and smack dab in the middle was an ad for Nonyx Nail Gel .
You put this stuff on your toenails to clear up "keratin debris," whatever the hell that is.
I call it toe fungus.
Anyway, the ad for this product contained a mascot in the form of a life-sized hero. The gay man you see to the right.
 The bottom of the ad said the product was owned by Xenna Corporation, and in small print under that it said, "A Woman-owned Company."
That settles it. Women have no business dreaming up superheroes. This ad proves it.
Look at him. He has no shoes, he's wearing sky-blue with yellow, and he looks like he's got to pee.
He doesn't have a mouth or nose or eyes. And his weapon is a bottle of goo.
But he does have perfect nails. And a yellow mohawk. And six-pack abs. Of course.
I'll bet he can sew, talks about his feelings, and puts the toilet seat back down.
I'll bet he gets a haircut every other week, has a best friend named Mackenzie, and likes Ben Afleck.
I don't know about you but if I saw this fag coming at me on the street with a bottle of goo, I'd step on his bare feet and knee him in the nuts. Then, while he's writhing on the ground in mortal pain, cursing at me politely with a lisp, I'd take off my shoes and stick my nasty feet in his face and ask him how he felt about that. |
F. Lawrence Caslin
