Ross Cavins
| Mullets and Rattails and Beards (Oh My!) |
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| Written by Ross Cavins | ||||||
| Thursday, 07 February 2008 | ||||||
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 Beach Mullet. What is the lure of the mullet? With heroes like these, what makes a boy (or man) wake up one morning and tell his barber to take a little off the front and side, leave the rest? What benefits are there to entice him?  Rattail. And then there's the mullet's bastard younger brother, the rattail. It's the regular short haircut but with a small patch of hair in the back that is grown long. It's not a ponytail, per se, although it can be braided. The hair doesn't come from the entire back of the head, only the bottom. Where in God's holy name did this hideous hairstyle come from? Were these guys a sect that broke off from the secret mullet society? Do they drink only Milwaukee's Best or only have their steaks rare? Is there a secret handshake too? What's really a treat is to see a mullet and a rattail together, hanging out at a secret society function. Sort of a redneck mixer, if you will. They're usually accompanied by bleached blondes with cigarette voices who'll show their tits if you simply yell out, "Show your tits!" It works, try it.  Scraggly Beard. If you're attentive and enjoy family outings, it's a fun jaunt to take the kids on mullet hunts. Each mullet is worth ten points. Rattails are more scarce, they garner twenty points. Scraggly beards grab two points each. First to a hundred wins. Best playing fields: Wal-Mart parking lots, Monster truck rallies, Nascar races (1000 Point Advanced Game). Happy Hunting!
           
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The South is a wonderful place to live but we have some customs that should just plain die. I'm speaking of course of the mullet. That essentially redneck hairstyle that consists of short hair in the front, long hair in the back. | < Prev | Next > |
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