|
Diamonds Are For Greedy Bitches |
|
|
|
|
Written by Marshall Brown
|
|
Thursday, 14 February 2008 |
|
  If it weren't for jewelry store commercials I might not feel so strongly about this. Diamond advertisements are so terrible. What is it about expensive rocks that make them represent love and commitment? I think it's disgusting.
The commercials always have two women having a conversation that sounds something like this: #1: Oh my god! Look what Steve gave me! #2: Wow it's huge, Cindy! Steve certainly loves you. Where did he get it? #1: He went to (insert greedy diamond selling asshole here). #2: How did he know to go there? #1: I told him that's where he needed to go, it was simple really. I just said, "Steve, you should go to blah blah diamonds." #2: That's great Cindy, I sure wish Mark would shop there.
Next the asshole diamond merchant comes on and tells you he's been selling diamonds since before they were using African slaves to mine them and how he's the best in the business and if your husband loves you he will come on in and show you just how much by opening up his wallet.
 This guy should be taken out back and (yes, you got it) shot! I get it, though. Women love diamonds. Maybe it's because they're pretty and shiny and then again, maybe it has something to do with money and status. Admittedly, men aren't much better with their cars and electronics. But we don't expect you to go the Ferrari dealership to prove your love to us. Just cook us a good meal, rub our backs occasionally, give us great sex and let us watch football on Sundays. We certainly don't expect you to spend 3 months salary on a fashion accessory.
Have you ever seen a crowd of women circle around one who just suckered some guy into dropping some serious cash on a ring? All their eyes seem to be twinkling with lust, greed and jealousy. They really look like Gollum in the Lord of the Rings. All you can hear is Oh-my-god and It's-so-huge! I wonder what's said when men are out of earshot? There's probably some high fives going on.
|
Marshall Brown
