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All Down Hill From Now On |
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Written by This Is Mark
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Sunday, 17 February 2008 |
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  I read something in the newspaper the other day that was probably the most depressing thing I’ve ever read. It probably says a lot about me that it had nothing to do with poverty or war, or even the slow death of our planet, but was in fact about the male libido – more specifically, that men experience their sexual peak at twenty-two years old.
This little fact has put a whole heap of pressure on 2008 for me; I'm twenty-two in April and was quite looking forward to a big birthday bash. Now all I feel is a huge amount of anxiety due to the fact that this year will have to be my most sexually active.
Now I'm sure some of you are thinking that coming into your sexiest year doesn't really sound like a bad thing but I'm guessing you people aren't like me. For you see I am crap with women and the realisation that this year is the time to bring my A-game is something I haven't been preparing for.
 It's not that I don't know how to interact with the opposite sex, I live with four at the moment, its just that my relationships with girls tend to fall into two categories - the best friend and the bloke on the bus who keeps staring at your boobs - both of which never culminate in sex.
The trouble is I am one of those blokes who is told that their best physical feature is their personality - a complementary equivalent to a kick in the crotch that ranks along side, "you're like a brother to me." Although I can take some comfort that people like me for what's inside (a bit like the elephant-man), when your best feature is your personality it's quite difficult to get that across to girls when in a club with music so loud that any conversation looks like a game of charades.
So ok, perhaps nightclubs isn't the best route for me, but putting in the time for a more long term target, an old acquaintance from school or perhaps someone at work, hasn't really paid off much either. Girls always say that the most desirable feature in a man is a good sense of humour - now I'm not claiming to be the next Will Ferrell or anything - but I like to think I can make some people laugh, some of them girls - yet I have never seen this transformation of girl-laughing to girl-in-bed.
What I find most perplexing is that the girls I do manage to get into bed often burst out laughing - usually when I've pulled my pants down - strange that. |
This Is Mark
