Mother Theresa
| Curse of the Night Owl |
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| Written by Mother Theresa | |
| Saturday, 01 March 2008 | |
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What most people don’t know is that Adam was always nagging at Eve to get up early (presumably for a roll in the hay), and when the snake came along, Eve hadn’t had her coffee yet and just wasn’t thinking straight. Upon hearing of Eve’s transgression, God said “You will be banished from my garden, where both day and night live in harmony. Eve, you are a night owl, and you have disobeyed me, so you will be punished. Night owls will suffer at the hands of larks from this day forward.” And so it came to pass. See, from the very beginning night owls got screwed over.
I call discrimination. Most jobs are 9 to 5. Okay, there’s the night shift, but how many of the best jobs are at that time? Most stores are open only during the day. People call the police when night owls practice their violin serenades. And morning people call us grouchy and lazy. I’m wondering how they would feel if we were to wake them up in the middle of the night and call them grouchy for complaining. But I’m neither chirpy nor gay in the mornings. Those who waltz around me, singing, cracking jokes and/or trying to touch my butt in the morning are likely to get pecked at. My husband protested the other day when I snapped at him for trying to “caress” my posterior. He jokingly said that maybe he should stop altogether since I might bite his hand off otherwise, and he’s quite fond of his hand. Geez, men are touchy! I’m thinking I’ll have to show him what Miss Manners has to say on the subject. "Miss Manners never excuses rudeness at any hour or under any circumstances. But she excuses evening people from sociability until they have had their coffee." So I’m excused. Got that? My butt is my private sanctuary, at least until the coffee hits my bloodstream. We night owls can be forced to comply with the larks' schedules, but no one can make us believe that mornings are better than night. That’s like saying red is better than blue. Says who? Maybe the reason morning people say that is because they’ve never stayed up long enough to contemplate the beauty of a starry night sky. I’ve seen both and can say that mornings are seriously overrated. We’re even being accused of having sleep disorders. All we have to do is have a little self-discipline to “cure” our nasty disease. Bullshit. Forcing our bodies to sleep at the wrong times is what causes sleep disorders. Back in college I used to stay up studying all night and sleep late in the mornings. I slept like a log. Now, with morning obligations, I have to go to bed early and get up early. I sleep like crap, and I get less done. So, to all you morning people who say we are lazy and bad-tempered, I just say “Kiss my ass!” But not until after I’ve had my coffee.
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In the beginning God created the universe, the earth, and so on and so forth.
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