|
  Despite what the fine folks at the Gerber Company would like you to believe, not all newborns are cute.
This is an issue with me because everyone I know is pregnant. They can’t help it, I guess. Something about being the age I am and the fact that I associate largely with married people, people in committed relationships, and sluts. Every time I turn around, someone is telling me they are having a baby. Which is cool, you know. I love kids. Newborns? Not so much. I think I’m just bewildered by them, more than anything. I’m not a typical girl and when I had children nearly ten years ago they were ripped from my womb via a small cut in my side. Which was really awesome when my son asked where babies came from and could just, you know, lift the side of my shirt and not have to traumatize him for life, but not so cool when people expect me to understand about the miracle of childbirth. I just don’t get it.  Pretty Baby
My son? Looked like an old man when he was born. An angry, constipated old man. And a lot of babies? Look just like my son. Several years ago two of my married friends who are possibly the most attractive people on this planet, decided to have a child together. I was absolutely certain that this would be the most beautiful baby, ever. Because these people? Were hot. The baby is born. I go to the hospital to visit. I take one look and say: “Wow! That sure is a baby!”  Ugly Baby
I know that’s not nice. I know that what matters is what is on the inside and I’ll tell you that this child is nearly eleven now and she’s very pretty. But day one? No. Not so much. And you can’t even tell people that, you know? Hormones and whatnot and people get all pissy and think that their baby is the most lovely baby EVER and that you SUCK for thinking otherwise and probably? You might even burn in hell for smack talking a baby. I can’t help it. That was some baby. |
That Chick
OMG that is the funniest thing I've read in a long time. 
Not pretty. 
